Holidays Come and Go

Parenting is hard. Parenting teens is hard. Parenting Grandchildren is hard. I love my kids, I love my Grandbabies but all this hard is also exhausting. I saw the meme that said “I am the kind of tired sleep can’t fix.” I have rarely related to something so strongly before.

N got her inheritance from her Grandmother and in a matter of days moved out of the mission into someone’s apartment. Turns out he is an addict, spent her money and is basically using her for sex. She refuses to hear any of us. She has dropped out of school. Her birth family dumped her totally. He got rid of her phone so we can’t really talk to her except when he says so. We cant get her out because she wants to stay. We can’t turn to law enforcement because she reiterates she wants to be there. It is so heartbreaking all I can do is pray, literally. Hopefully tomorrow she meets with the folks from the Independent Living Center so they can get her into some programs and maybe real housing. Fingers crossed, more prayers said.

M1 had her baby boy in the beginning of November. By Thanksgiving he had contracted COVID and RSV and was in the hospital. She blamed me for the RSV until we all tested negative for both COVID and RSV. Her husband tested positive for COVID as did she. No apologies just tuned me out. She wanted me to let the girls sleep over on Christmas Eve and I said no. They regularly refuse to help when asked or take the kids for weekend so forget it you don’t get the holiday, you can come here to see them. They have not paid the sitter in a few weeks so now she is not watching the baby anymore. She refused a job at Amazon and claims to Door Dash regularly. No she does not do it but claims it. Today she told me she needs me to watch the baby for a week because someone in their apartment building has COVID and they walk past her door so therefore the baby is at risk. Nope not making it up.

I hurt in ways that don’t stop hurting. There are no meds to ease the paralyzing moments of depression. Yes I see a counselor and someone for meds and we all know that there is nothing more that can be done except get through it. I think part of is it grief when you realize that nothing you hoped for your kids will actually happen. I have to let it go. I have to accept what I cannot change but yes it is hard for sure. I do love them all but wow the days can be super hard.

On a positive note, I am still performing as a cantor in church. I was in a production for Santa’s Magical Express and had a great time with some terrific folks. My parents are coming up next week for a visit and fortunately everyone in this house is in good health. I was promoted at work to a position that is basically my dream job. I will be designing classes and teaching them. I am super excited for this to start.

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