When You Can’t Undo Things

N is suspended from school for 5 days, this is the smallest problem she has going on right now. I can’t even believe the series of events as they unfolded even though I lived through it myself. It started on Tuesday with N refusing to go to school for the second day in a row. I told her it was mandatory and that she could lose her ramen noodles if she did not comply, get up, dressed and go to school. She screamed at the top of her lungs, “If anything happens to my ramen I will f**** kill you.” I reminded her that her refrain from order said she cannot do that to me and she needed to stop and turn her day around. More obscenities flew up the stairs.

N was in school for about 2 hours before she started the whole “I am going to kill myself” and demanding to be sent home. I go to get her and take her to the hospital per school protocol. No I did not think she was suicidal but at this point she had threatened me and was saying she would run into traffic, which is something that could be done. We tried to talk to her, she raged and raged. The resource officer was called (state trooper) and he tried to calm her down and maybe go with him to the hospital. Nope got even worse, N started threatening everyone in the room. The Deputy asked me to grab her purse from the floor and N lunged at me repeatedly grabbing my wrist and wrenching it. I was shoved out of the room and she ended up hitting, kicking and head butting the officer. She also slapped the assistant principal and threatened to kill everyone in the office. Three troopers later she was in the car and off to the hospital.

Around 1030pm they called and said come get her she was cleared to go home. I told them I could not she was a danger to me and my family. They said she was calm and I had to get her which again I refused. They tried to tell me that because she was no longer saying she would kill me it was fine for her to come home. Again I said no, they told me it was a legal issue not a psychiatric issue even though in the background you could hear N yelling “I am not going the f**** home. I f***** hate her and she knows what I will do to her.” I said you can hear this right, the threats and they told me (I kid you not) “Well she is only threatening violence not murder so it is a legal issue not a psych one.” OK now it is my turn to use curse words because sure when I called the police to make a report hours earlier I was told no one would take my report because it happened on school grounds. Yep you heard that right the police won’t let me make a report and the psych unit doesn’t care because she is “calm” now. Well I don’t care I am not going to get her. The social worker called and said he could not find any homeless shelters for her to spend the night in so one night in the hospital and then she was going to Adult Protective Services. Yes this means I am going to be in trouble, no I don’t care. M2 is terrified and the babies were also frightened so no don’t care bring it on.

Next morning I call the school ASAP to explain the situation and the Deputy says he is way behind on his work and pissed now that no one will take the report. I don’t have time to panic though because Adult Protective is on the phone yelling at me and telling me N is my problem and I need to get her NOW and take care of her. I reiterate that she is a danger to me and my family and they do not care. Over and over she says that she is my problem and I have money to take care of her so she is not homeless and I need to step up or face charges. I tell her I have tried since September to get help for N and the case manager, the supervisor and no one is returning calls. I explain I cannot make a plan when I do not know how and the one who does doesn’t return my calls or emails. I tell her send over the investigators as I will produce all this for them to show she has failed me and my child. I also give her the Troopers name who refused to take a report the previous day.

Unfortunately, it takes 3 days to get the report filed. I had to put her in a hotel because on top of this because M1 decided to tell CPS her babies were in danger if I had N return home. No not kidding about that either. So for this debacle I miss 3 days of work. I pay for a hotel for a week and every few days bring food to N to heat up. I can’t get her a lot because if I do she will eat it all in one sitting and then claim starvation. Yep keeping lists and photos of everything I drop off when I drop it off to cover my arse. She gets arrested on Friday, goes to court Monday and the outcome will be. I am housing her and feeding her in accordance with NYS law even though I am the freaking victim…sigh….CPS has come and so far not returned. I gave them copies of all the documents that say N is not at home this time.

Monday, N will go to court and we will await the Judge’s decision regarding the violation of her refrain from order and the criminal contempt and resisting arrest charges. Tuesday we have a superintendent’s meeting to see if N can return to school. Thursday we have a team meeting to figure out what the heck we do from here. I am at a loss right now on what to do to help her more. I am tired of the fighting constantly, the refusal to follow any directions, the decreasing hygiene care and now the threat to the other family members safety. It is hard to be in this place yet I know I am not alone. I have a number of folks trying to help me and hopefully we can make something positive happen.

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