I don’t ever want to do today over again ever, period. The day started out ok with me taking the babies to get some donuts and me coffee. M2 joined me as I did an errand too just because why not it was gorgeous. We picked the stuff up and came back home. I told N to get up and asked her to get dressed and come outside to help us. It seemed to be all right at first, then M2 had a melt down because I told her she had to wait to mow a spot on the lawn because I could not remove the thorny branches immediately. I tried to talk to her and she didn’t hear me over the mower. I turned off the mower and the rage started. Let me be clear, I have an acre of yard this ONE spot could have waited. I told her go inside I was done.
N and I were outside now and between pulling up the bush and watching the girls we were having a decent time. We took a water break and I reminded her to start her laundry and that she would still have to clean her room today and she was fine. Later M1 came by because there was a social event and of course she wants the girls to be there. Whatever less work for me and the teens. I came inside and changed the kids out of their messy clothes into something a lot less dirty. N sat on the couch and I said nothing, I took the babies outside to wait for their Mom. When M1 came she went to the bathroom with the babies in tow. About 10 minutes later I came in and reminded N that her room needed to be done and her laundry finished. Well then the rage kicked in and she started screaming. She then decided to throw a pillow at me.
I reminded her of the refrain from order and this made this worse. She decided to call the police on me for “being a bitchy piece of…….” well use all the words you know…Anyway the officer came and things got tons worse. I tried to talk to her and she shut me down threatening me over and over again. The police told her to knock it off and explained that this threatening behavior is in fact a violation of her refrain from order. N decided to go and get the order because the police officer was clearly wrong. When they came back upstairs he said to her in front of me “Look N your room is unsanitary and needs to be cleaned. Your mother is in the right because that is not a condition you can keep your living spaces.” N looked at the officer and told him point blank to “shut the f*** up” Now thankfully the police officer kept his cool and reminded her to stop threatening everyone and asked me if it was a mental health issue. I told him yes it was and then N lost it and lunged at me. The police adeptly stepped between us and threatened to taze her which got her attention, she was then courted off the the crisis unit for an evaluation.
Of course a report is made and within two hours I have to go and pick her up because even though she continues to make threats of harming me since she is not threatening to kill me or herself she is not a psych problem. I lost it on the poor nurse and said “OK so it is fine she is abusive to me, threatens me in front of the police and you. It is fine that she is clearly have psychological issues and this is not a problem?” The nurse was apologetic but said “No this is a legal issue not a psych issue.” Well this causes meltdown number two for M2. Here is the catch, if I press charges, she is put in jail and forcibly removed from this home for a year. She has no where to go and no friends, I am at a loss.
I am sitting here with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Baby K is sitting near me and Baby S is in bed. I can’t have her threatening me because she doesn’t want to clean her room. I can’t have her throwing random crap at me because “f*** you” I can’t shake the feeling I am just going to have to have her arrested, clearly the first assault charge and the refrain from order are not helping her. I just turned off the unlimited data in her phone so the constant on the phone blowing me off is no longer an issue, well it will be tomorrow when her limit is reached and the internet doesn’t work. Yes I could turn off her phone but her birth grandmother is being treated for cancer and I don’t want her to not have contact in case she does not respond well to treatment.
It is hard when you know what you need to do but the feelings are raw. I want to stay the course and keep my stuff together but she needs to learn. I am not going to write her off but if I have to call and have her removed to get things going then that has to happen I suppose. I know others are out there just like me in this situation. I have a parent advocate, I will have to call her on Monday for sure.