Yep M1 if pregnant again. She announced it yesterday to us and wanted to do a cutesy photo shoot with the babies. I am not even feeling anything right now. I found out in the morning from a friend and she begged me not to say anything. M1 came over last night and announced it. When the friend told me the only thing that went through my head was “you need to give up hope” Now please understand this does not mean how awful it sounds.
The hope I need to give up is that they will turn themselves around and do what they ought to do. They are not going to improve themselves at this point and if I continue to lie to myself it will destroy me. I love my daughter and my grandbabies but I cannot continue to support their reckless lifestyle. They are heavily in debt and don’t seem to care regardless of what I talk to them about including the seriousness of their situation. They ask me repeatedly to co-sign for things and I continue to refuse so M1 rants about how I do not care about them and don’t want to help them to anyone who will listen. I don’t care anymore about her rantings the people who care about me know the truth.
M2 is over the top furious. She is so torn between love for her sister and anger at her poor choices. I try to validate all her emotions but they are so big for her it is hard to manage. I get it kiddo I do and feel similarly but I am the adult so I will keep myself in check for your sake and the babies. I am not sure what N is feeling as she refuses to talk to me about it. I suspect she is happy as she doesn’t really comprehend the extent of the ramifications of this announcement. She likes babies in limited doses so as long as she does not have to care for him/her she is fine with it, oh well.
I am just not sure what I really ought to do or react? I know I can’t help her if she doesn’t want help. I refuse to make it better because I just can’t anymore. I am tired, like a deep tired and just don’t see it getting better at any point because she does not want anything different. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes it is just overwhelming.