I am so stuck right now I am not sure what to do. I am struggling hard and feel like I have no where to turn. I know I do and I know folks care for me but wow is this hard right now.
Court was last Monday and nothing happened. M1 never got a copy of her neglect charges and their lawyers had not talked to them. Adjourned until March nothing changes here except my feelings of anger and frustration. I am tired of being held captive by a system that does not seem to work for the children. I can’t stand our judge either so this does not help….sigh. Meanwhile they are being evicted on Monday and have no real plan. They live on daydreams and make believe. I tried to help by getting them a short term hotel room, turns out they were not actually having to leave on the 28th. I did not get a full refund so I am done with them both.
Last Friday boytoy’s Grandmother passed away. It was sudden and unfortunate but now, because the two parents cannot be alone I have to attend a memorials service on top of my already crappy week. I know it is the right thing to do. I know his family loves them as well. I am being childish and selfish and don’t want to do jack squat even though it is the right thing to do. I am not heartless so of course I will bring them. I will force myself to do and behave the right way not because they deserve it but because I am the bigger person.
On the home front we had a small issue which turned into a large issue. Our water is very hard and the house is quite old. We had been having an issue turning off the shower and then it would not turn off. I decided to redo the shower. Oh boy was it a huge undertaking and it took weeks to finally get it together. I learned a whole lot about plumbing, construction, drains and of course caulking….lots and lots of caulking. We took down the walls and found tons of mold it was horrific. We put up new everything because the mold destroyed much of the wall board and insulation.
It was too much if I am being truthful. Balancing kids, working from home and then having to go to friends houses to shower was just tough. Yes I am so grateful to all our friends who allowed us to keep clean. The work was not familiar to me so it was a ton of videos and mistakes along the way. It looks a bit messy I must admit but it is done and I did it. The last part was the most fun by far and also the most frustrating as it had to do with precision and that is not my super strength. The babies loved to help but of course offer almost no real assistance to the project.
Fingers crossed that we have no leaks tomorrow when we turn it on for the first time in a month, literally. I have caulked all areas it could leak. I have puttied the drain and will work on the pretty part of it later. I just wanted to be able to shower in my own home. Yes both girls did help a bit. N was more reluctant to assist but she did learn how to use a drill and put in a screw into cement board. M2 learned how to drill and also how to put adhesive on. The babies did a bunch of supervision additionally, Baby K did actually help put the handle on the shower door.
I am hoping finishing this project will help me feel more confident and hopeful. I am super discouraged by all the negative in my life right now and need a pick me up. I also hope that things get more calm as we go on. N has a med change and I pray that will level her out. M1 is looking for jobs and hopefully she will actually get one. M2 is looking for ways to better control her emotions. Ugg so much is turning around I hope it can turn it around right before Valetine’s day.