There is a lot going on in this world right now. I can’t stand seeing the hate divide us. I fear for the elections because of the outcome and people’s reactions to it. I feel like civility and kindness have gone out the window and the grief this fills me with is astounding. I want to go out and do something to affect change but truth is I can’t even get my home life to change and unfortunately I am responsible for that mess.
The past week has pushed me to my limits emotionally to the breaking points. I have spent so much time crying I think it might be time to change my meds for depression and anxiety. The good news is that my family actually came together in the midst of this awfulness and for the first time and supported me as a unit. I was shocked but sure enough it did happen and I was grateful
Again this week, M1 and boytoy had another fall out and police involvement. Boytoy apparently went after M1, well that is what she said, and then pulled out a shotgun and threatened to kill himself. Now of course this is awful and the baby was home so she did hear this even if she did not make sense of it. He was arrested and taken away in cuffs to be evaluated by the local hospital. The baby came to spend the night and CPS called first thing in the morning to ensure she was safe. Another round of involvement another round of no consequences I am sure.
CPS told me Thursday that I was the kids safety plan. I would have the baby until they can complete whatever the list is this time. No I don’t ‘know what the list will entail this time and all I can hope is that I find out officially when I have to bring the Baby back to them. Regrettably I have spent the last few days hearing from them…we have no money for household goods….what size boots does Baby Shark need for winter…does she have snow pants…..we are taking the kids to ***** daycare when they return next week. Today was the worst when M1 fills out the paperwork for custody return and asks me to double check it. I said that I didn’t think that boytoy was a respondent but he was a petitioner as both of them would be petitioning the court to change the agreement they had with me. She advised me that she wanted sole custody, and the custody argument said against so therefore they did not make the agreement with me.
It filled me with so much rage I can’t even begin to describe it. I am your safety plan you put one kid with me voluntarily. You and I went to court to have a safe place for Baby Shark while you get your stuff together. Now you are saying I am against you. I can’t anymore my heart actually hurts now and I can’t even understand why you are so driven to hurt all the people who try to love you. You started with boytoy and paternity, you dumped your BFF publicly on Facebook and now this and me. I hurt so much and so deeply right now I literally just dropped her from Messenger. I cannot believe you are the kid I tried to raise anymore. It just hurts too much to believe it.