Real Consequences

I know I have been away for a bit but it was not for lack of activity here. The summer mercifully wrapped up and it could not have happened in enough time as far as I was concerned. Unfortunately knowing something is going to happen is sometimes worse then not knowing. In this particular case I knew that transitioning M2 to a new school and trying to deal with N only going to school part time was what I had dreaded with all my heart.

A week before school started I had to have a total knee replacement. I had issues all summer long and it was getting progressively worse for me. I had tried conservative methods but at the last appointment the doctor just shook his head and said “There is nothing going to work long term due to the numerous bone spurs in your knee. Surgery is really the best option.” OK if you didn’t know this is not easy surgery, recovery or well anything really. Add to it 2 teens who are hit and miss with assisting and a toddler well the climb would be uphill.

I caught a small break the week before school and found out all 12:1:1 students would be full time 5 days a week. Yes it was a shortened day but at least it was every day. Initially even both girls were helpful. My BFF came and stayed overnight to help with Baby Shark and it seemed to be going as well as it might given all that could go wrong.

Of course the first catch is the night before school started I found out that we needed a note from the doctor saying that both N and M2 have allergies and hence runny noses on occasion. While M2’s school was more forgiving N’s was not so N missed the first week of school. Finally got the notes, submitted them as required and we are off and running. M2 had a glitch on the first day then pulled her head out of her butt and all was good. N seemed to start off all right but then things started to go south.

Four days into N’s first week of school all hell suddenly burst loose. I had confronted her quietly on what her consequence should be for stealing some food (again) and she started to lose it. I went upstairs and decided it was best to let it roll for now. Soon however it became clear that was not going to be the case. A few moments later, she ran up the stairs enraged at all things. I asked her to get a grip, go downstairs and pull herself together. She started to scream in my face, literally nose to nose. I reminded her that 8 weeks of basic being screamed at like this did not frighten me.

Well then the threats started. I repeated quietly to go downstairs and she raged on right in my face. I reminded her she needed to calm herself down and not come closer as she could injure my knee and she swore proficiently at me. M2 said she was going to call 911 and then N lunged at her screaming “I will f**ing kill you”. Did I mention Baby Shark was watching? I blocked N from getting to M2 and twisted my knee, let the pain slice right through you with that move. Suddenly then without warning N turned around and punched me dead in the face twice. She leered at me and said “You deserve that b***!!” I told her go downstairs and she booked downstairs and started to call everyone who would pick up the phone that she wanted to leave my house.

Stunned I tried to calm down M2 and Baby Shark. Eventually I got them calm and then the phone started to ring. I let the folks N had called know what actually happened so they would not be concerned that she was in danger. I put in safety plans for the other two kids, translate you are sleeping upstairs with me and we will drop N off at respite in the afternoon. I iced my knee, took pain killers and prayed I would stop shaking before tomorrow at wake up. Well the pain went away the shaking did not until about 4am. I got everyone out the door and then called the case manager, my support parent, all of N’s workers and my boss.

The assault left me with a hugely swollen knee and a swollen part near my eye. After consultation with all involved I was advised that I should file charges against her for the assault. I didn’t want to but N is 18 and I can’t make her take meds, go inpatient or really anything since I don’t have Power of Attorney. Crap what a freaking catch that was and no I didn’t want to do it but lets face it I had no options at this point if I wanted to make this cycle stop. I called the state troopers and was told it would be harassment at best. I explained that I was black and blue and in need of medical attention and then suddenly the tone changed. I was advised to drop her at respite and then file the report.

After drop off I went up to the station and made the report. The officers knew who I was from M1 of course and so that helped a bit. They told me what would happen and we made a plan to get her to the station and be arrested. I picked her up and brought her alone to the station. I suggested she not be so rude and that she follow all directions. Well it turned out she didn’t do that so when she was arraigned they basically threw the book at her. She was given an “Order of Refrain” which spells out that she cannot do ANYTHING illegal and if she does I am to call 911 immediately. If I call the police come and take her away. The officer who dropped her off told me that she has a competency hearing next month.

I wrote to everyone who has contact with N to let them know what happened exactly. I spelled out the consequences of her actions to them and hoped for the best. I received an email from one of the teachers who said she was worried sick about me given how out of control N had seemed on that night. Oh well resolved now I suppose. Also just so others reading this know, if your kid is 18 and starts any of this with you guys call emergency immediately 911 here in the states. I did not do this and it caused other issues. If I had done it then they could have removed N immediately and if I had added I was fearful for my kids safety they could have her committed for 72 hours.

So I am not happy with what had to be done. I am not proud of myself or even feel confident about what will happen from here. I pray it will help her and make her see the results of her actions. I pray it will calm her the freak down and be more human. I pray for all of our safety given that I am injured and cannot restrain as I used to before the surgery. I do not regret the decision but at the same time it is hard to deal with given that I literally just had my own kid arrested for assaulting me. Ugg parenting is hard!!!

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