Summertime Blues

I bought locks two weeks ago to put on the fridge, freezer and food pantries to try to curb how much food N has the ability to steal. It has worked for the most part but to give you the full picture of how the behavior is not actually hunger let me flash back to the weekend.

We spent the 4th grilling and having fun. N had a ton of food and tried in vain to call her family all day. They would not return calls or pick up. I explained that it was likely they were with other people and did not want to be rude. Now yes I know it is because they want very little to do with her but I dare not say this out loud because, hey I could be wrong. N eats all sorts of meats, chips and drinks all day. Family never calls.

Yes what I cooked for dinner on the 4th. Chicken, sweet Italian sausage and hamburgers.

Sunday comes and she refuses to get out of her room. I remind her that it is her family’s loss not hers and there was no point in punishing herself for their choices. We get her to get up and I go mow the lawn. She eats 2 containers of leftover General Tsaos’ chicken. One full and one just a bit. She barely helped mow the grass and then we went swimming. She ate 2 full plates of food despite being told to eat more vegetables instead of crab salad. We then come home and she downs 4 smores without even blinking. I stopped her and reminded her she is not hungry just emotionally eating. She said “I know” and walked back to the house.

I came back to the house after a few hours and saw a plate missing from on top of the stove. I cannot remember what was on the plate but know there was a plate because I was reminding myself to put it away. I check M2s room because she was aggravated and might have grabbed some dinner and eaten it in her room. Nope nothing. I go downstairs and tell N I need the plate and silverware back from whatever it was she had eaten. She hands me a plate with the ENTIRE cantaloupe gone. Yep she could only get the cantaloupe so she took it. Nope not hungry just emotionally needy.

Today I asked her if eating any of that food made her feel any better about the fact her family had not returned her calls. She said no it didn’t and then pulled the covers over her head, ok got it you don’t want to talk, so I go upstairs. Later I ask her to take care of her laundry. She then decides to rage about what a piece of garbage I am. OK got it you are mad, you are busted but come on taking your anger about your family refusal to call doesn’t get better by lashing out at me. I remind her I am not the one she is mad at its her birth family. I tell her I get that she feels that way and understand why she might be mad but that it did not give her the right to treat me like garbage. She raged for a few more minutes and I just went upstairs. At dinner she was less pissy and I reminded her laundry still needs to be done. Ugg I get it but I get sick of being blamed for crap I can’t control.

On top of this is the fact that M2 started a new school today and summer school is virtual. M2 DOES NOT DO WELL with change. I knew it was going to be tough, I warned my boss it would be tough. I talked to the teacher about how we might have a struggle….ugg it was ugly. She raged at me she was not going to school any more, she was not doing this work and I was just an a**** hole. OK I am going to walk away because no point in addressing it. Eventually she does do the work, the teacher does understand and we got all the electronic accounts working….sigh.

Well this will be summer for me I suppose. Nope not going back to work anytime soon. I was advised by one of the managers (not mine but in my office) that I was likely not coming back until October. I was then advised by my union rep I might not come back to the office this year. Yes I work from home now so there is no financial stress but the emotional toll, cripes it is wearing at me. Yes I have my counselor via telephone and my meds have been adjusted but as the meme on my timeline said….

Image may contain: text that says 'Antonia @Flaminhaystack Not one person who went for a job interview in 2015 got the answer right to, "So where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"'
Yep really very true!!!!

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