Wow I am so glad today is over. I keep trying to forget about Mother’s Day in my house for a range of reasons, mostly because when it comes to two out of three kids, well I am crap. On the up side all three have to be reminded and prodded to call their first Mom to wish her a good day as well. They all complained about it but I reminded them that like it or not it is the right thing to do as you have two mothers. So lets look first at one of the most positive things that happened this morning. On social media my youngest daughter posted this:
Happy mother’s day mommy think you for being there when I need you think you for loving me think you for being there when I think that no one have think you for care for me think you for your love. To the world, you are one person but to me, you are the world. All what I am trying to say is I am thinkful for everything you do for me or with me or without me. I love you. Happy mother’s day hope you have fun on your special day. Love you a lot.
Yes it is full of typos but it is the most heartfelt message I have ever gotten from anyone in my life. I wanted to cry tears of joy. It was the sole source of joy during this quite crappy day. M1 and boytoy brought me a Carvel cake, which is my favorite type of cake, but then decided it was going to be dessert and because I didn’t want to be a jerk I just let it happen. I know its awful that I am so selfish but I was already upset how the whole day had unfolded which is why I think I was just that much more crappy.
M1 decided that she was spending the day with me and the girls. I had offered to drop of Baby K to her house so she could spend the day with both her kids but she decided that she was spending her day with me. No she did not ask she showed up and refused to leave. When we decided to go for a walk, M2 and I, she drove over with us and continued to stay with us. M2 had asked if she could have time alone with me and M1 got snotty and said “Why she is my Mother too?” I don’t know why she insisted on coming over and spending the entire day other than they wanted to eat the cake and have me cook dinner.
Once they left I told the girls to shower. M2 hopped in and got it done. When I told N she started to rage that she was not going to. I was a f*** b*** and she didn’t have to. I gently reminded her that every other day we shower so please pick a time. She barreled up the stairs shoved me aside and screamed what a piece of trash I was. I stopped her and reminded her that I helped her send her birth Mom a greeting AND that I shared MY Mother’s day present, the cake, with her. I then just left her alone, I mean what is the point, she is pissed I forced her to stop watching You Tube.
I just started crying. Baby K was upset because she was over tired and her parents had insisted on bathing her their way, which is not the way she is used to having it done. She was screaming and crying intermittently. M2 tried to make me feel better by snuggling with me and tried to help with the baby. It was so freaking hard and yes I still dread this day each year.
But I know, many people are struggling to even have children. Some have faced disappointment after disappointment with IVF. Others are in a permanent waiting status for their forever kids. Some Moms are fostering kids who are not theirs as they struggle with being away from their “real mothers” on this special day. My heart breaks for those folks the most on days like today. Of course, yes they will not have most of the heartache I have with my kids but also they have no joy like I have from my kids. Yes today sucked but at least one person today made an effort to acknowledge that I am important to them, and some people, much like me over 14 years ago, do not have that joy. For all the Moms who lost their children, cripes I cannot even imagine how much more today sucked for them. I would give all those Moms (and Dads) a hug today if I could because there is NOTHING I experience like that pain.
So yes today ended in tears for me with a crap load of hurt feelings. But still I have three kids who love me in their own way and for one of them, it is actually the way I was hoping to be loved. I must count my blessings and pray for those hurting.