Minor Heart Attacks

Sooo this afternoon I ordered some food from the warehouse store and said I would pick it up. I grabbed M2 and Baby K and we headed to the bike path to walk while we waited. We had invited N to come with us but she is stuck on miserable mode and refused to budge. So I grabbed the mail and M2 put the baby into her car seat. I see two letters from DSS. One I knew about, it was the re-certification for my day care subsidy the other was hand written so HUGE FREAKING red flag.

I open it up and it is from CPS my heart sinks. It is the usual you are named in a report of alleged child abuse and maltreatment. Well then the line says “This letter is to inform you that the report has been indicated meaning there is sufficient evidence to believe the child(ren) named were abused, neglected and or maltreated.” I cannot in good consciousness put in writing the words that I actually exclaimed as I read this to myself. My mind raced as I tried to remember my lawyers number. I continued to read and then I see the next sentence “However, you are not named as the person who abused, neglected or maltreated a child(ren) nor did you allow the abuse, maltreatment or neglect of the named child(ren).”

Holy crap my heart sunk so freaking far to my feet that I felt lightheaded. M2 saw my expression and of course heard my choice of words and shouted “Mommy what is wrong!!!!” I pulled myself together and said I had read the letter I got really, really wrong. She asked if she could read it and I said no as I don’t want her to get this info and get it to her sister. I went to get the stroller and of course M2 takes and tries to read the letter. Fortunately she cannot read and understand it so phew that bullet dodged.

We take our walk and in the middle of talking about the pack of lies M1 had fed to M2 last weekend and a relay of events of what happened last weekend I get a text from M1. She says she needs my help. She said she got the letter saying she was founded and “of course this is bullshit so I am going to appeal it. How do I appeal it there are no instructions on how to do that.” Umm yes they are on the second page and whatever call the main number and ask them to transfer you to whoever is responsible. Inside my head I am screaming “Do you really think you are innocent?” I mean I had Baby S for 6.5 weeks. You had 4 police reports in the course of this investigation and now you have prevention services. You truly believe you are innocent. Ok you know what, forget it, I had to pay over $7000 to clear my name from her bull and lies so good luck kid.

Part of me wants so desperately to go to my lawyer and tell her that they now have 2 indicated reports and so they cannot have anymore overnights. Last weekend they were completely verbally abusive to both kids and I know this because both M2 and her bestie called me to let me know. When I talked to M1 about it, she lied of course and said that the two girls are lying. Well let me tell ya, Baby K cries when I leave her and she runs to see me and demands I hold her when I pick her up. Lately when they come to my house she refuses to hug and kiss them and only hugs her sister. You can lie all you want but YOUR KID is telling me something is wrong in your house. I don’t want to be petty but I also want the baby to be safe and right now I am not sure she is and the last time I tried to talk to M1 about my concerns she went off on me and said that I was the problem and that she didn’t want her daughter being raised by me because of all the violence in my home. Go ahead kiddo take me to court, don’t care I am not afraid of you.

I promise I can’t make this stuff up, I am not that creative. It is super hard though and now I am in uber protective over my baby shark.

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