I love my two at home kiddos, I really do but today they are super annoying and reduced me to tears. N has been in contact with her family so of course I take the way way back seat. M2 had a friend over today so a lot of fronting behaviors happened that might not normally. Put on top of that, I am in a huge degree of pain due to a major flair up of the arthritis in my knee. I am not able to walk well and am VERY dependent on the kids to help me.
I call N to help make dinner and with Baby K. I cannot lift and hold her I can only sit and hold her. I call her three times and she gets a HUGE attitude and demands to know “why do I have to help you all the time” I remind her that I asked her once last week and once this week so that was not a lot. She started yelling and screaming at me because I did not let her get her hair cut yet. I remind her that I told her we would go on Thursday, she chose to sleep. I called her on Friday when I got home she stayed downstairs. I called her on Sunday and she chose not to answer the phone. She raged its all my fault. I ask how as I did not force her to sleep, turn off her phone or ignore me. She gets peeved and yells about what a piece of crap I am that I am asking her for help with dinner (which she likes to make mind you).
I start crying because between the pain and frustration I am not sure what to do right now. I want to scream but I know it won’t serve a point. I want to comfort Baby K who is crying but I can’t pick her up and hold her and N is raging to badly for me to trust her handling Baby K. M2 comes out of her room with her friend and starts yelling at N. Now I am bawling because I am so tired, sore and done. We get dinner on the table and I go to sit down.
At dinner M2 starts yelling at N for whatever and then corrects her friend for some minor inconvenience. I ask her to knock it off and close her mouth. I remind her that she is being rude with both her table manners and her mouth. She swears at me and tells me where I can place it all. I let her know that tomorrow her friend is not coming over because if she is going to run her mouth then I don’t need this in the evening when I come home. She goes on another tear about what a piece of crap I am.
I can’t even talk, trying to calm down Baby K who doesn’t get why this is happening today. Stop both girls from fighting about who can shower first and then take another kid home. Uggg I want to tap out of this parenting game for a bit. I defend N against M2’s foul mouth and tell her to get her shower things. I tell M2 to get her stuff to drop her friend off and try to soothe Baby K so she stops.
I swear it seems like it will never end. I get it, it is me because I am tapped out from the ordeal of having to get the shots. I remind N that even though she treated me like crap I did the right thing and defended her against M2. Once M2 comes home from dropping off her friend I tell her to go to her room as I am done with her and her mouth. She storms to her room and then comes out a moment later and says she is sorry. I explain it is too late for apologies and that I was done with her mouth. When N got out of the shower she bolted downstairs and avoided me at all costs. I called her and said she had to do her dishes she could do them now or tomorrow morning but if it was tomorrow morning she had to get up early to make sure they are done. She comes upstairs and I suggested she make a picture or card for her (biological) Grandmother to wish her well. She glared at me but whatever no mouth action so I will take it. M2 came out showered apologized again and went into her room.
So I snuggle with Baby K until she falls asleep then climb the painful walk up the stairs to put her to bed. I feel so defeated right now and accept that part of this is my fault. I am not sure how to fix this at the moment but don’t feel I am being unreasonable. I ask very little of both of them and when they start this crud I run out of patience quick. I know teens are teens so I won’t be aggravated for long. I will remind myself of their gentler times and try not to focus on the ugly we have right now. Yikes this parenting is tough.