What would you do?

I am at a jam currently and am not sure what to do next. Last week CPS called and they were going to close out the case against the kids, you know the one that started in December. They wanted to know if there were any updates I told them sure, last week M1 told friends she was going to kill herself and they called the police and she had a police escort to the hospital while I cared for Baby S. Baby S’s head is covered in scratches and she has a crazy runny nose and a cough. But clearly I was over reacting as they were out to the house and they did not share any of my concerns. Yes that was me being bitter and angry.

Yesterday I get a text from “A” that she might need my help. She is going to pick up M1 and Baby S but can’t keep Baby S because her back is too sore. I ask what is up and she says that M1 states that boytoy hit her in yet another fight. Shortly after that I get a text from M1 and it says “Can you take “Baby S” overnight, its for her safety.” I ask what is up and she says “”boytoy” and I had a disagreement and we agreed she should spend the night out of the house.” I want to say no but then “A” is stuck with caring for her and the rage of M1 if she does not get her way. I sigh and tell “A” I will get the baby after work.

I go to get the baby and A tells me that boytoy’s side of the story is that M1 was threatening to kill herself and was climbing over the balcony when he restrained her and in the process inadvertently hurt her. OK that sounds more like what could have happened. Oh but here is the catch….I am not supposed to know any of this. A can’t tell me anything anymore because when she does and M1 finds out M1 threatens her. So I have my kid threatening suicide two weeks in a row and can’t do jack crap because I am not suppose to know about the second time. In fact I only know about the first time because the police called me to collect the baby.

I went to drop the baby off this morning after texting both of them that I would be coming between 7:30 and 7:45. I stood outside calling, ringing bells and knocking to have them not answer. Finally I get boytoy and he says he is at work (sounds it) and that I should “just keep ringing the bell till M1 answers.” Forty minutes I stood outside doing this and nothing. I leave and write a nasty text to her because now I have to take a baby to a funeral. She texts back “Oh I didn’t hear you.” Yes you did you ignored me and now I am done.

My hands are tied and CPS is useless. I heard they were hot lined again but don’t know. I am not sure where to go or what to do at this point. The supervisors know and are not doing anything, the workers know and aren’t doing anything. My grand baby needs intervention and I can’t do a dang thing unless I want to take them to court and I can’t do that because psychologically, I can’t raise another one of her children. The people who have details refuse to talk to CPS because M1 threatens them with violence so they are scared silent. No I am not afraid of her but still if she finds out that her friends have told me she will go after them. Yes she is that crafty she will tell one friend one thing and another friend another thing and depending on what I report back to her she knows which friend to go after. Messed up right and I certainly don’t want them to be in fear of retaliation.

If CPS calls me today I don’t even want to answer. They are not listening anyway so why bother talking. M1 is running a terror ring and bullying her way through her friendships and marriage. I am not sure where to turn or to whom. My friends and family are supportive but it has been almost three months and nothing is improving. I am so lost as to what to do next. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.

2 thoughts on “What would you do?

Add yours

  1. wow. I thought about this a long time and this is what I think. All you can do in this situation is do what you know is right. A lot of the moving pieces (what CPS will/won’t do, what M1 will do) are out of your control. You need to look at what is your responsibility to do, and accept that the other parts aren’t in your control.

    1. you need to call CPS and tell them everything, every time, even though they are useless. It’s their job to do something about this. Eventually if enough calls come in from enough people, maybe they will do something, but even if not, you will know that you did what was right and their inaction will be on them, not you.

    2. you are giving the wrath of M1 too much power over you. Much like with CPS, you need to do what you need to do, and how she chooses to react is on her. If her friends tell you things, tell them any info you get will be passed on to the appropriate authorities. If they don’t want to deal with her anger over that, they should not tell you information. If she takes it out on A that you won’t take the baby, that is not your fault. You take the baby when you feel you can, say no if you feel you need to. It’s not your responsibility. It’s hers.

    3. if you have the baby and she’s not taking the baby back when she is supposed to, do what you have to do. Take the baby to boytoy’s work and hand the baby to him. If necessary, drive to CPS, tell them that she is refusing to answer the door and you can’t keep the baby because you have to be at work or whatever the case is.
    I know this is heartbreaking, and that you want to take care of your grandchild. The thing is, if you can’t take the baby and raise her (and you can’t, and it’s OKAY that you can’t! if you did she would just have another one and we’d be right back here!), you don’t have the power to really protect her. You will just stay stuck trying to control a situation you have almost no control over.

    Right now, both M1 and CPS are counting on the fact that you feel responsible for solving this problem for them, and they are using that. As long as you keep trying to fix things, they don’t have to.

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