Facing Hard Truths

Today I had N’s CSE meeting. Overall it is a good meeting for sure. She has made a lot of progress in many areas. Of course there are struggles but we came up with plans to help and prevent as much as one parent can. Of course mid way through the meeting the CSE chair has to read the mandatory sentence

“We are required, by law to advise you that the course of study your student is engaged in will not result in a degree or diploma. Your student is being alternately assessed which means they are not able to be accurately assessed by the NYS standard.”

Uggggg yes of course I know this. Yes of course my kid is alternatively assessed of course, of course of course. I must not get upset it is no reflection of me or my parenting. It is not because my kid is not capable. I know I just don’t want to hear it. I guess it is an alternate form of denial but really why do we have to state the obvious. I am sure it is because there are some folks who made it required to say this during the meeting but cripes it wasn’t me.

No that was not the toughest part of the day. It was later when after over a year N’s biological mother decided to call me back. Yep for over a year I have tried to reach her as N has been bugging out about seeing her and she refuses to believe I am not preventing them from getting together. N talked to her on the phone and then her Mom talked to me. She doesn’t want to see her really and made a crap load of excuses about why they could not get together any time soon. She did tell me N was trying to have a sleepover and that she DID NOT want that and had told N it was not possible.

Yay I get to call N upstairs to make sure what her Mom said is what N heard. Yep a swing and a miss on several things but we got it straightened out. The devastation on her face when she realized that her family just did not want to spend a lot of time with her. Ugg broke my heart more than the CSE meeting ever could. How can your own family not want time with you, I mean I know why because my family and I have had a crap load of struggles but come on get over it.

Truth is that N’s Mom is limited much like N is. Her two sons are giving her a ton of issues and she has her limits getting them the help they need. We will never know why she took the oldest boy home and not N but, that is not our answer to have unfortunately. Turns out the her older brother and she are very similar but it seems that he is finally turning himself around. I am glad for his Mom’s sake and for his, they deserve to have a decent life. Of course the disappointment in her eyes kills me but at least she is starting to see that it is not my fault her family doesn’t call or visit. It has nothing to do with me, it is all about them. I am probably wrong to be glad this came to light but I get so freaking sick of hearing her rant about how awful I am for not letting her talk or see them.

So off we go I put down some ground rules for both Mom and N but nothing too crazy. Encouraged both to keep in contact with each other and to contact me if there are questions or concerns. I hope this helps N with her emotional regulation and understanding she really is loved by more than one family. Hope it turns out all right but of course only time will tell.

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