I am writing this at 4am on Christmas morning. Baby S has just been fed and she is “arguing” with me as she falls asleep in her swing. She is so funny she becomes very vocal as she puts herself to sleep. She grunts and grunts which is why it sounds like she is mad but she is not. She is smiling as her eyes drift close.
We went to Christmas Eve mass as we always do and if I said it was the hands down worst church service ever I would be slightly sugar coating it. M1 was awful, dramatic and in “poor me” mode. M2 was calling her out on her lack of interest in the babies and her rudeness as to how we were caring for them. She also came after me a few times for keeping my mouth shut when M1 was running hers. Boytoy was in a funk and lost as Christmas is normally hard for him (he lost his Dad Christmas day) so he just bore the brunt of M1’s anger and did not stand up for himself. N, well she had already had a melt down over poor choices soooooo yep there was that.
I spent the entire service in tears. I could not leave either kid out of my sight so I could not enjoy the service. The arguing was pointless and petty and I was so tired of all of it. I did not want to make a scene. I did not want to draw attention to our family. Well that all happened and yep there I was in the back of the church sobbing. I was super grateful to one of the parishioners who in the middle of this very clear debacle, when she saw my tears, she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me and said “I hope it gets better you deserve a merry Christmas.” A simple gesture and yet when all was done it did in fact help get me through the toughest church service I had been to, that was not a funeral.
The church was beautiful. I wish I could have taken a picture myself. FOrtunately someone in our choir did so here is basically what it looked like.
Yes it is a candlelight service and so amazingly beautiful.
After we came home, had dinner and Baby K fell right to sleep. M2 talked to me for awhile and apologized for her insanity. N admitted that she knew she was wrong for her choices and helped clean up after dinner. I fed Baby S a bottle and then watched the Grinch as I wrapped stocking presents. Around 11pm Baby S fell asleep and I went to bed too. She was up around 2:45 for her feeding so i fed her, talked to her then waited for Santa. Yes of course I kept my eyes closed I know he doesn’t deliver if you are awake. So now this is what awaits in about three hours when the kids awake.
So now that Baby S has finally drifted back off to sleep I will gather her up and get a little more sleep myself before the day begins. I have already decided of M1 starts crap I will ask her to leave. We deserve happiness on their favorite time of the year.