It has been a tough week. M2 has been a good help with the babies but N requires constant prompting to help with the most minimal of tasks. I get so tired of having to lay everything out but then have to control my anger as part of it is her disability. She does help when asked but unless asked, well then she won’t do it or anticipate it needs to be done. Oh well this is the longest she has ever been in a family so I guess it is a learning curve.
Saturday M1 and boytoy took the kids for four hours on Saturday to celebrate Christmas with his family. They cannot be alone with the kids so E, boytoy’s sister played chaperone. When they returned to my house they said that Baby K had not eaten the entire time. She was so freaking hungry it was not even funny. She chowed down something called cheeseburger pie in just a few seconds. Baby S was super fussy and did not want anything but to be held. She downed almost 7oz of formula when I fed her and normally she has 3-4oz a serving. OK soooo the babies were a bit hungry. The told me that Baby S slept almost the whole time and that Baby K refused to nap. Ugg I would pay for that one later.
The kids told me that on Monday night Baby S would be going home with them. They told me CPS was going to “pull some strings” to get boytoy cleared and get her home for Christmas. I sighed to myself, all right whatever not even worth arguing. M1 told me that CPS was causing the issues and that mental health had called him and mental health had told him she doesn’t need medications and that CPS didn’t believe them. OK well mental health and CPS are both shady to me….sooooo…..good luck with that. No not all mental health just this particular agency which I have worked with in the past and hated every moment of it. They told me to get her stuff ready to leave because Baby S would be home but Tuesday at the latest. OK whatever if I get the call I get the call. I want to as I want to sleep but I don’t want to because Baby S needs protection.
Baby K and Baby S basically spent all night up until Sunday. If it was not one it was the other and unfortunately sometimes both at the same time. Sunday I was a crying mess. Everything that went wrong I cried about from exhaustion no doubt. N was good and helped with groceries and feeding. M2 was good and wrapped the remaining presents but all I could do was cry with each minor frustration. Uggg I hate being a sobbing mess. We wanted to make cookies but could not because the babies were a wreck. Go ahead M1 post today about all the sacrifices you are making being a Mom. You never mention the sacrifices the babies Aunts are FORCED to make because of your choices. Yes this is when it is super hard for me to keep my sarcastic mouth shut!!!!
I did apologize to my two before they went to their rooms. They did know I was super tired but I wanted to be sure they knew it was not their fault and I was really appreciative of their help. M2 laughed at me and said “Momma when you and Baby K fell asleep for a few minutes on the couch I told N to be quiet.” N laughed and said “Yep I knew you were exhausted because you never fall asleep watching the Grinch.” Thank you darlings I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
Good news is that everyone slept last night to today so tonight we will make cookies. I am definitely in a better space and only burst into tears once today so that is a good thing. As for my feelings about this current mess during the holiday season: