The Unraveling

M1 applied for a job at a local day care facility. She was convinced they would hire her just a matter of getting back the paperwork from the Office of Children and Family Services. On Tuesday it dawned on me that if the paperwork submitted had been handed in on Thursday it would be back by now from the State Central Registry. I know this because I have lived at 14 addresses, three states and two countries and it only takes 3-4 days max for mine to return with no hits for accused of child abuse. It had almost been a week but maybe paperwork was not turned in when she told me it was.

Later that afternoon, when I had come home I found a letter from OCFS in the mailbox addressed to M1. Now I am not an investigator but when it is marked “confidential” and it came just around the time when her clearance should have come, well I became suspicious. I emailed her and told her i would drop it off in case it was what she was looking for to get the job. I gave it to her and went out on my errands. About 20 minutes later she sent me pictures of the letter. It spelled out the procedure she would have to follow to clear her name of the charge of child abuse in the registry.

Wow talk about mixed emotions. Of course I don’t want this life altering thing to happen to my very young daughter yet the thought of her working with children who she might hit made me even more nervous. I explained that yes it meant she had an indicated report, translated she had been found guilty of child abuse or maltreatment. Well M1 raged and raged in my direction and I said nothing. I am not fighting with you, the results are the results. After a few minutes she said “Well at least I will have a job for 90 days before they tell (the day care) that I have this charge.” Umm no at this point since you have not come back yet cleared and only lived in three addresses in your whole life, they know something is up. They might not know what is up but they know something is up and are not going to hire you.

Well more obscenities in my direction. I am sorry kiddo but they are not going to be as ignorant as you want them to be so you can have a job. The phone went quiet for awhile and then about an hour later, she texted me again. Now she wants me to co-sign for her so she and boytoy can get into these luxury apartments. The 2 bedroom they are looking at costs more than the 5 bedroom, 1 acre house and yard I live in. I told her no that between daycare, my mortgage and my car payment there was no way that they would accept me as a co-signer. I told her I didn’t have that money. She got ugly and started to tell me that she could make the payments and I was just being uncooperative because I could be. Umm again hon, co-signer means they come after me if you default and since I do work they can garnish my wages to meet your missed payment. The answer is a resounding NO!!!!!!

Today the phone is all quiet. I send a text to her around dinner time making a joke about how much kielbasa Baby K was eating and she did not respond. It showed she was active but she did not respond. Yep she is pissed and her posting on Facebook showed all this stuff about the challenges of being a mother. I don’t respond, my family calls me. I update them and they quiet down a bit. Turns out my Mom was the maddest oddly enough. She was furious that some one would trash “her child” like that in a public forum. I reminded her that it was not directed at me but my MOm fumed that she had no right since she was NOT in fact raising her child I was. I wanted to start singing “Let it Go” to her but pretty sure that would have set her even further off.

So it has been a day since she got the news that yes in fact she has been found guilty of child abuse. It has been a day since she realized she will never work in child care. It has been a day since she talked to me, even when I was talking to her about the baby. Yes I am a bit sad that she has a record but totally believe she did it and is guilty. Like I said it is a torn situation because she deserves it and yet not so much.

I guess time will tell and maybe tomorrow communications will resume. No I am not going to force it there is no reason to, she is pissed at herself and taking it out on the world. I am happy and sad. It is tough to have all these delusions you have about how awesome you are crushed. Yes seriously I am worried about her becoming more depressed then normal.

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