I am so grateful and spent after this week that it is hard to put it into words. After reviewing the events as they unfolded I am eternally grateful to the friends who know me outside of my writing world. I leaned on them way more than I have in a bit.
On Monday after weeks of pain and being told by the on call folks I have tendonitis, I saw a specialist. He did some extra x-rays and told me that a small bone in my wrist had been chipped. Well that would explain the pain and thankfully I was willing to advocate enough for myself to decide to see the specialist. While we are not sure how it happened it is good now and will continue to heal without further issues, so that much is good. Yep still hurts a little but still better knowing the real issue.
On Tuesday, the big blue van I drive had to go to the shop. I knew it needed an oil change and probably new brakes. I dropped it off in the morning, saw my counselor and went to work. I get a phone call middle of the day to come and get M2, she had a major league break down on the bus, been kicked off and the resource officer had to be called. I sigh and go to gather her up. No point in arguing when she is this far gone she needs only my attention. I gather her up, thank the Resource Officer and take her home. We process what happened, point out that mistakes are not an excuse to act like an animal and not follow adult directions.
Eventually I have to leave to grab N from the sitter. I go to grab N’s uniform for TKD. M2 tears after me yelling she is not doing TKD tonight. I have to hurry I have a vestry meeting no time sweetheart you gave me your word. I go into the closet and it STINKS!!! Now I have almost no sense of smell and I could smell it and it is vile. I grab the uniform and look around to see what the heck smells so vile. After some searching I see a cup on the top of her book shelf. I go to lift it down and pee spills all over me. I want to gag but I have a vestry meeting so I quickly run up the stairs, dump it in the toilet, change and head out.
I go to the shop and get the truck. The mechanic gives me the bad news. The car needed an oil change and front brakes as I suspected. It also needs a new thermocoupler and transmission. I don’t have money for that right now, the mechanic advises me that the van is on borrowed time. I know he is not lying, we got it 7 years ago and it had over 155000 miles on it. I knew the time was coming, I just did not know it would be this week..
I get N and ask what was up with the pee in a cup. The rage starts then. It lasted for 20 minutes in the car and then carried over outside of the church. Yes we are in public again and she is raging. The other vestry members walk past us and the Deacon, who is a police officer, makes eye contact with me. I mouth, “it’s all right” he nods and goes to sit inside right near the window where he can see me clearly. It takes another 10 minutes to calm her down and remind her that she is not doomed to repeat her fathers errors, she can make her own choices. We go into the meeting and I have to lead what is left of it. The meeting is hot and loud as we have to hire a new Rector and the topic of same sex marriage keeps coming up. I keep the peace make amends and the meeting comes to an end. We ended up missing TKD because of the late meeting end time. Sigh…..
Wednesday starts with a school meeting. M2 is sentences to 5 days bus probation and no longer on the main school bus. She has been transferred to the little bus as this is her second outburst on the bus. She is arrogant and angry so we meet with the school counselor to process the events of the day before and how to make the day better. I know I am lucky she was not suspended from school entirely but still 5 days now I have to do pick up and drop off of my headstrong youngest child. As I drive the van to work and hear the infamous noise of a truck actively dying. I don’t have time at all, so guess I will take care of that soon too. I take some time to make phone calls for picking up M2 and then finish work without too much angst. I look for vehicles that night and find a few that might work for us.
I go to bring N and M2 to dinner and M2 tells me she has a secret that M1 told her. I sigh, I already now this secret I am sure. Of course M2 confirms that yes M1 is pregnant again. No I am not surprised. I looked last week at the birth control she said she was taking. only one pill is missing. M2 begs me to not say anything to M1 and I promise I won’t. A few minutes later, literally, my sister texts me a screen shot from my daughter’s facebook account “Me and (boytoy) got some exciting news today.” I tell my sister she is pregnant but don’t say anything because M1 has not told me. I pretend to be stupid and text M1, she says she might tell me later if I am up. I tell her I would guess based on the fact she is broadcasting it to facebook but playing coy with me it was that she was pregnant, she confirmed she was. Word escape me at this point. I am numb, just numb.
I wake up on Thursday and just don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t stay home, I can’t face work. I just can’t do anything at all but I have no choice. I hear M1 and boytoy argue over who is going to feed Baby K. They can’t handle one, they have one part time job between them. How on earth will they manage two. I have to get up. I have to get the girls out the door, I have to go to work. I want to give up and crawl back into bed but then I would be stuck at home with the two people I am full of rage at so that is no good either. I get to work and talk to my co-worker briefly about the hell that is now back in my life. She listens and reminds me if they get married than she is no longer my financial responsibility. Right need to make sure that happens. I get home and clean out the van, we are going to trade it in on Friday. As they work on M1’s car yet again, she starts the drama up again. She tells me she has to go to the ER because she was dizzy when she was driving a few hours ago. I look at her blankly, really do I look stupid to you. She asks if I will watch Baby K, well no I have work tomorrow and can’t stay up with your kiddo when clearly there is no emergency.
Friday morning a parent teacher conference is scheduled. They wanted to try to convince me that M2 should be integrated into classes where she can be with typical peers. She is educationally on a 3d grade level, not 7th. She tried gym, which she is more than capable of doing and failed miserably. No I will not allow this at all, she has anxiety and her behaviors will escalate do we really want that? After some discussion they agreed that maybe she should not be “forced” to partake in these larger classes. I go back to work feeling exhausted, it should not have to be this hard. We have to cancel a bunch of things at work and a system crashes, nope the end of the day can’t come soon enough. Highlight, new to me car. While we are at the dealers, M1 texts me asking what I am spending on my new car because she wants an SUV for her growing family. I don’t even respond. You have no job, no credit and your boyfriend works part time. You are not going to be able to share the same luxuries I have with a well paying job and excellent credit.
Saturday I get up early as they are arguing again and I can’t sleep through it. I let the dog out and when I come in am handed the baby. Boytoy has to go to work and M1 is just too tired to watch her do I mind. Umm yes I do you don’t do a dang thing around the house and barely pay any attention to this darling little one, what will you do with two? I watch her till M2 gets up then give her back and take M2 out to get a bagel for lunch. As we head home the wind picks up so much so that trees are really moving. We get insides and within minutes there is a HORRIfIC crash on the side of the house. I look outside and see a tree has smashed our porch roof and splintered into piece on our yard. I want to cry, the house is damaged. My life is hard and sometimes things just suck. I call the insurance and find I have a $1000 deductable, well trust me there is that much damage at least. I call the electric company to get the lines reattached to our house and then sit with M2 to wait for the crews to arrive. It takes four hours for the power folks to arrive but at least I cleaned off the roof and all my friend chipped in to tell me roofers they know.
So the week is finally over and NO I don’t want a redo. I want to close this chapter and forget most of it happened.