OK this one is my issue and my mess up so please feel free to chagrin with me as I explain what happened. Like I said earlier N and I had gone to the city and we had a good time. I got her a graphic novel and right after that things started to change. I have to note here that I did not look at the book she wanted to get. Yes parenting fail right there.
So for the next few days N’s behavior is off the charts defiant. Outright refuses to do anything asked, is belligerent and even has a temper tantrum in the YMCA. Now this is unusual because tantrums are typically at home behavior but whatever here we were and there we had to deal with it with a bunch of judgmental and one helpful person. Mid tantrum the helpful person asks if there is something she can do as N is full rage and we are in a small location. I thank her but tell her that we just need space and she nods and leaves. Believe me I appreciated that more than the stares from the other folks who mostly looked horrified. We resolve the YMCA issue and I go take a walk with my BFF. Things seem calmer, ok maybe it blew over.
We get home and I remind them to clean their rooms. N outright defies me. I sit in her room a minute and she does a cursory throw dirty clothes in the hamper now I am done thing. I remind her she is not in fact done and the closet needs to be cleaned. Another tantrum ensues. Forget this I am not in the mood, I go upstairs to calm down and figure out what the heck went wrong. I rack my brain and cannot figure it out. Sigh…this parenting thing is hard. Oh well house needs to be cleaned too so I focus on that instead.
Monday we don’t have a sitter. I let N know she is to go to her room after school so she can read in peace. She asks for my DVD player and I say no. I let her know that since she is not listening to me I do not feel it is right to give her the DVD player to reward her misbehavior. Well more yelling ensues because “I wanna watch my movies” Well yes and I wanted the room clean, I wanted no tantrums at the YMCA, I wanted a lot of things that I did not get either. I say nothing while she yells, no point she is not listening. When she is calm I say to her “you want the DVD player clean your room the way I want it done its that simple” She grumbles at me and says she will do it. I walk away so she yells it again. I turn and say “Look its no matter to me. You don’t clean you don’t get it.”
When I am on my way to work the school calls me and wants to talk to me. Did I know what N was reading? I said that I had gotten her a graphic novel but no I had not looked at it when she picked it out. The school advised me that it was very explicit in nature. Umm awkward…should have checked it but never once thought she would go there. Well now I know don’t I. I apologize to the school and assure them I will address it with her when I get home. They understand that I did make a mistake and even though lewd is against the school code I truly made the mistake so they said they would let it go. I thanked them profusely feeling ever so freaking stupid.
I go to leave work and M2 tells me that N has left the house and gone to the library. She is not supposed to go without letting me know. OK this is out of hand right now and I am borderline full of rage. I go and pick her up and tell her that she was wrong for leaving the house without telling me. She gives me a million reasons all of which are M2’s fault and I remind her she decided to leave the house, she decided not to call me she was wrong. She rants for a few moments and I say nothing. When she is calm I tell her that I want to see her new book. Immediately she is defensive. I tell her that her behavior has changed since getting the book so I needed to see what was in the book that might cause her to act like she has done something incredibly wrong. She denies everything up and down and I just listen. I tell her I still want to see it and she opens it up (as I am driving) and shows me two pages. I remind her I am 50 and capable of looking through a book all on my own but thank her for trying to be helpful. After several more moments of silence she admits that there “are some sex scenes” I talk quietly to her about how it is not appropriate for her to be looking at those images and reading that material. Another tirade, but I say nothing. I let her know I will be taking the book from her and maybe at a later time getting her a new one but at this point I was too angry to be nice to her. She goes on for several minutes about how wrong I am and I just listen.
We get home and I tell her before the worker comes I want the book. I have her repeat it to me so I know she understands and she does. She bolts downstairs and does not give me the book. Of course not she wants to view a bit more before the book is gone. Worker comes and N hands over the book. I thank her and she goes off with her worker. I then look at the first time at the book….ummmm no freaking way this should have come into my home it is basically pornographic anime. Diagrams of everything two guys could do to each other sexually and very little dialogue. Holy crap I messed up!!!!!!
So now I have learned that I need to look at all books that might come into my home. Yes N had looked at this book and knew what was in it. Yes it is normal to be curious. No it is not all right to get your information from cartoon characters…oh my. We are going to have some fun conversations at my house really soon.
Well at least parenting isn’t boring!!!