Teaching “Relationships”

Lately M2 and N have been obsessed with the fact I am single. They keep asking me if I am ever going to go out with my male friend P again. While the answer is yes, its because its his birthday month and on our respective birth months we take the other one out to eat lunch. Soo the girls pressed and pressed about why I was single. I had to think carefully about this for two reasons, first they have delays and second I don’t want to sound like I am anti relationships.

I told them I was single by choice. I chose to not be in a relationship and the reason was mainly because I am “bossy” (read opinionated). I explained that I don’t always like to share and when you are in a relationship you have to share a lot. I explained that sometimes I only want it my way and if I was in a relationship, I would have to think about someone else because that is what is fair in a relationship between two adults. I also said that I like to make all the decisions and when you are dating or married to someone you can’t do that.

Suddenly M2 piped up in the background “Mommy do you not have a boyfriend because you want to have a girlfriend?” I choked back a chuckle and said “No I don’t want a girlfriend for all the same reasons I don’t want a boyfriend.” So N says “Have you ever had a girlfriend?” I stated simply that I never had. They then both asked if it was wrong for me to have a girlfriend. I told them absolutely not. I said it was not what I would pick for myself that I preferred men but that everyone was free to make that choice for themselves. I then added if at some point in their lives they thought they were in love it would not matter to me if it was in love with a boy or a girl. They both giggled nervously, yep those are my teens.

Well then M2 throws me a curve ball. She says to me “What if I decided I wanted to be a boy instead of a girl?” Yep caught me totally off guard, never thought about that one before and now here it was. M2 explained that very logically she wanted to be a boy because “my boobs are too big and they don’t have periods so they can swim whenever they want to” Well to be honest I agree with her, we are both “endowed” and that can be a drag and yes periods are uber annoying. So I said it would have to be a conversation at a later time to be sure it is really what she wanted instead of just something that at this moment seemed like a practical solution to the annoyances of being a girl. I held my breath for a moment and waited. Was this conversation going to continue, turns out no it was just a question. Phew.

When they went to bed that night I had a chuckle to myself. As a parent of two developmentally delayed kids many of the conversations typical parents have with their kids I will not have. We won’t discuss college, driving etc. But even my kids I was reminded during this drive have urges and questions that sometimes are confusing. I am grateful to my higher power that I have an expansive way to explain complicated things more simply so that they can be understood. While I cannot see either of them in a relationship, I am grateful that they think about relationships and how to make them work. I am glad they ask me questions and unlike their sister M1, they listen to my responses.

Sooo until the next car ride conversation, I think I will educate myself on what is means to be transgendered in case this is in fact something I will face in the future.

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