Frightening Fantasies

At this point I am afraid for M1 and it is because she is so far caught in this fantasy of what her life is that there are a few harsh realities I am afraid will crush her.

She contacted me last night and asked how to tell the difference between bed bug bites and flea bites. I told her and she relayed she had several bites on her body. I am suspecting it is fleas as they have 2 or 3 dogs and a cat. They also have mice sooo the possibility is there. I told her what I thought and she immediately went down the road to “nope its bed bugs”. Umm all right then throw out the mattresses because you can’t really kill those buggers. Nope everything was going to be fine.

OK the house is dirty and in need of repair. It is filled with clutter which sometimes gets cleaned up but not often. You are now going to bring a baby home to this place and live with a raging alcoholic??? I relayed this and more to my counselor and she started taking notes, no I am not stupid I know she was relaying information to make a CPS report and I am beyond torn at this. Yes it has to be done. The outcome is either they tell her to find a place to live and she thinks living here is an option or they take the baby. Either option scares me. Now I don’t fundamentally have an issue with her coming back but her laziness, the constant drama and oh yeah baby Daddy all turn my stomach to no end. I am not sure I could say no to her, I am not sure how long I could survive with her here. Yes I would take the baby but holy crap I am barely emotionally prepared for that. (Yes I have all the basics.)

Today she said she is looking at an apartment. I looked the location up online. The place is gorgeous. The apartment rates run from $1200-$2500 depending on what you want to look at and yes that is per month. My mortgage and one acre of property is not that much each month. I asked where she was going to get the money and she claims her boyfriend who will be working part time and a friend will help her pay. “Besides I have a job interview at Stewarts tomorrow so soon I will have a job.” Oh did I mention nothing is included in this rent?  Heat, utilities and cable are all extra plus you have to have renter’s insurance. They are going to “see if they can get enough money to pay the application fee” which is $35.

An interview?? OK good but at 8 months pregnant what are the chances they will hire you. Now yes I know it is illegal to not hire someone who is pregnant if they are qualified but even if you were hired in four weeks or so you have to take 6 weeks off to care for your infant and then what are you going to do with said infant when you have to go back to work? Even her birth family chimed in that they were not sure she would be hired anywhere given how pregnant she was so I just kept my mouth shut.

She is talking about making trips to Disney and when I caution her it is a lot of money she blows me off. I don’t tell her no I just simply sit quietly I mean what is the point she is not listening. I know in her heart she truly wants all these things but her reality is much different. If she goes to have the midwives look at her bug bites then they too will know the house is flea ridden. If she tries to take the baby home my counselor will hotline her so sweetie your reality is NOT what you think it is.

I keep being supportive and don’t trash any of her plans. I put in reality as I can but she is resisting listening so I don’t push it. I know I have to think about the baby but the thought of having her here or a baby here in just a few short weeks is one of the main reasons I am losing sleep…..

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