A New Reality

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and what a mixed blessing day it really is. I know it is this way for a lot of adoptive Moms but also because my mind is haunting me with thoughts of “is this my Mother’s last Mother’s day?” I don’t know, we don’t know I think both of us think yes and here is why…..

Last weekend I went home when I found out. Now to save myself postage I had given my Mother her Mother’s Day present early. It was a phone case as hers was badly in need of replacement. I got her a good quality one too because, well she deserves it. Today I called her because my sister had relayed some information I was pretty sure was wrong. I got the real information from my Mother and we had a few laughs about silly things and she raved how much she loved the new case . Suddenly she said to me “Well when are we going to get your ring?” Now my Mother wanted to get me a Mother’s ring, with all my kids birthstones for my birthday. But my birthday isn’t until September. Confused I said “I will make some time in the summer to come down and we can go and get it.” She said “How about I come sooner and we get it by you so that if there is any issues with it you can return it or get it adjusted by you?” I relayed that was fine but no rush, I mean my birthday is so far away even I am not thinking about it. She said “Well depending on Friday, we might not have too much time to wait.” Friday is her CT scan and the somberness of her words hit me. I quickly reassured her we could go whenever she wanted and that with the exception of Memorial Day weekend I really had no firm plans to do anything. She switched topics and moved on.

I knew that, I mean I know that we don’t know how far, how aggressive etc. Yet when I hear her planning things so finally it always shakes me. No I am not mad in fact if I was in her shoes I would do the same darn thing, I know where I get that from. But the sadness of it hit me as I wonder if my siblings thought about this too? I suspect they are in denial and not thinking of it but I am sure when I talk to my sister tomorrow she may bring it up. All are in pretty heavy denial right now and given the information my sister relayed to me and its degree of incorrectness, well I doubt anyone is thinking of it. I did make sure all three girls signed the Mother’s day card I sent though as I wanted to be sure if it was her last at least she had a nice card from all of us. She loved the card she said to me and wanted to frame it. Personally I was just glad I was able to snag M1 to sign it in time to mail.

I told her I would call her tomorrow and she wished me a happy Mother’s day just in case we had too much fun at Great Escape and did not get back till later. Truth is the park closes at 6 but I get it and honestly things can get away from you. I relayed I loved her and wished her a good night. She said the same and hung up on me.

I don’t like this new reality that we are forced to live and I hope that as things progress all of us, me and my girls can be strong enough to do what needs to be done.

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