Facing Facts

Yesterday M1 had an appointment at the midwives to see how things were going. Good news is despite her diet of candy and ice tea, the baby appears to be healthy. I am hoping there is no long term damage due to her refusal to eat healthy but who knows. She was asked several times if she had questions and she remained silent. I wanted to strangle her so then when they turned to me I fired away with seven or eight of my own. I was so frustrated because how do you go to a doctor’s appointment and not plan ahead to think of questions you want to know. I know I get it she is immature and has no concept of what is actually happening and probably thinks it is all fun and games.

Uggg makes me want to open my mouth but I don’t. M1 said not two words to me during the appointment and talked almost exclusively to her friend. I tried not to be pissed off and angry but I am not sure it worked. I have sooo many concerns about her and her ability to parent but when I mention it to her she blows me off. I also tried talking to my mother but she too has magical thinking, well at least she did until yesterday.

When I spoke with my Mom we talked about a lot of different things but inevitably it came back around to M1. She actually said to me “Well honey how are you going to cope with M2 and N when the baby is taken away by social services?” I almost fell over, did my own mother really just admit that her favorite granddaughter could not care for her own child?!?!?! I didn’t say much as I am fairly sure that is what will happen to and depending on the health of the baby I may or may not step in. But no I can’t say that to my mother as she is adamant that no grandparents should step in. In her mind grandparents are done raising kids and should be able to retire in peace so even mentioning that to her gets her going to places I don’t like to visit with her. Its backwards I know but she has said this since I was a child so it is not directed specifically at me no worries.

I also learned that Little Man and Little Bit’s mother just had another baby. She is doing well right now but as one of my co-workers asked me “Could you be asked to take the baby?” Mind you I was thrown for a loop with that one but if the family named me I could be. I relayed though that I was pretty sure that no one would think of me when the baby is removed. I know I sound like a pessimist but she has relapsed and been sober so many times, I am not sure she can remain clean for an extended period. Its horrible to think about things like that but this weekend when I get to see the Littles for the day I am curious if their Grandfather will bring it up.

So much chaos, I should have learned to thrive in it by now but alas I have not. I like order and the holy high roller make sure that is not something I have to keep me young I suppose. Oh well fact is that in a few short months an infant will be in my house. Fairly sure it will be my own child’s but hopeful that the other can stay with his mom.

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