I was in the kitchen making up the peanut butter pie for Easter dinner. It was 9pm and the house was quiet. I love cooking so right about then I was in my happy space. Kids were home, in their rooms and I was making a huge family dinner. It did not get better than this.
M1 emerges from her room.
“Can I go spend an hour with boytoy? Predator and I just had a fight and I don’t want to be here.”
So I get offended. I mean you have spent the last 4 days at his house, you have only been here for an hour and a half and now you want to leave. Oh and my house is not a place you want to be. Holy crap. Unfortunately, its 9pm and my editor was off. I looked at her and said “Well thanks that hurt a lot. You spend all your time with friends and my house is where you don’t want to be.” She starts screaming obscenities at me and when I question why she says that I am creating drama. Ummm no I am making a peanut butter pie, you just told me you don’t want to be in my house and I let you know how I feel. I did not create drama, you are creating it by your giant tantrum. No did not say that out loud, all I said was “If you don’t want drama, stop tantrumming because all I am doing is telling you how I feel and walking to the couch. I am not yelling or screaming or insulting people you are.”
Three seconds later she bursts out of her room and I am on the couch. M1 demands my house keys to which I say no. She starts screaming she does not want me to be up till 2am and blame her for it and I give everyone in the world keys but her so this is bs. I sigh to myself, did I mention this is day two of her flying off the handle and being emotionally abusive to me. Yeah it is, yesterday she threatened to call 911 on me because M2 was sobbing that M1 was not home so this apparently is a good reason to call the police. No not making it up. After getting verbally lanced, hung up on and then texted obscenities I simply stopped answering. She then came to the house to continue screaming at me and when I refused to engage she eventually lost steam and left.
I explained again quietly to her that people coming into my house when I am asleep is a huge PTSD trigger for me and she told me I needed to “get over myself for f**** sake” Her indifferent attitude toward me was chilling as she raged about the unfairness of me refusing to give her keys. I then reminded her that (1) she said an hour, that would be 10:30 or so, so there was no need for keys and that (2) she was choosing to stay up so that is not my problem, you don’t want me up that late then come back sooner. Apparently this is the wrong answer and she continues to swear and scream at me. I ask her to be quiet the kids are sleeping and she slams the door on me.
Yes I regret letting her back in and if my hands weren’t tied I would not have done it. It is now 7am and instead of rejoicing in the joy of Easter I am exhausted and angry. I have not slept all night and have family and friends coming in a few short hours. On the table are two Easter lunch boxes and a car seat. The girls wanted the lunch boxes so I filled them with candy as something different.
M1 has no means to get the kid home from the hospital so I bought her a new car seat. I resent spending the most money on a child who is so awful to me and resent even more the fact I am trapped because legally I have to tolerate this abuse until August when she turns 18. I don’t resent filling the kids lunch boxes with candy that was fun!!!
I know breathe and get over myself. Don’t ruin Easter any more than she already has and focus on the positives. Remember that all things are possible with a little help from above and focus on the true meaning of the holiday not the hell that you cannot rise from yourself.