The Nightmare Continues

OK now M1 is actually pregnant. No I am not surprised. I got her birth control she refused to take it, not shocked. Talked to boy toy about using a condom, he forgot, how convenient. Oh did I mention she is not technically with boytoy? She has moved on to predator. She is also not sure that boytoy is the father. My life has become a Jerry Springer episode.

I am devastated and angry. So freaking angry. I was so angry I swore at my best friend when it turned out she was only suggesting to me. I have not sworn at her in anger in almost 5 years!!! I tried to talk to M1 about the options and she refused anything but raising the kid. She had a make believe plan as to how it was going to work and I sent her a really really long email to the tone of this:

If “boytoy” is the dad and going away to college, you will be single parenting. J has rights to the child as the Grandmother as do I. She can make life a pain in the arse for you in court if she wants to though you will have a good case do to her drinking.

 If you cannot get a job soon, you will have no savings. You cannot work for 6 weeks after giving birth or put a child in daycare. The stipend that “boytoy” gets may not be enough to support you and him in school. Government assistance will not cover a luxury apartment like the ones at … (down the street from me).
Depending on your due date, you may not have insurance. You come off my insurance at 18. You will have to apply for Medicaid for yourself. You will also have to apply for it for your child.
You will have to find a way to get to work if you have a job and “boytoy” is away. You will also have to have someone watch the child. If someone watches the child, you will have to pay for them to do so in most cases.
You will have to start paying for food, electricity, heat and possibly water depending on where you live. You will also potentially have cell phone bills and internet bills.
100 diapers cost $31.12. At twelve diapers on average a day you will need to spend this about every 9 days. Formula is ridiculously priced and while you may be eligible for WIC, it limits what you can buy and how much.
You are going to be always tired, upset and angry. Babies are miracles but also needy. How are you going to manage your emotions so that you don’t do something you regret to the child? Children are a lot of work and stress, you don’t handle either well. Come up now with realistic things you can do to get a break.
What do you need clothes wise right now? I have some yoga pants I bought I can give you. No not for me, bought them for you. You will need more clothes so think about what is comfortable to wear and let me know, I can supply some of it while you are pregnant. Do you need new underwear, if so just let me know don’t be embarrassed, it happens. Same thing for bras as your breasts will get bigger.
Don’t spend money on frivolous things now like play mats. Your child will need diapers and clothes down the line save money. Don’t buy toys or things like that until you can provide the basics.
Her response to me:
 I already bought some clothes, but I was going to buy diapers and food soon. Does baby food go bad? C I think will hopefully babysit, she already said she would, and I’m going to have “boytoy’s” truck while he’s away, I just need to get my permit but I need to pay the state either $675 or $225.  (She actually owes $995 for driving without a license and using an electronic device while driving.)
No she has no clue!!! I sent another long email about babies and what they eat and when they eat food. How babies have allergies and sensitivities. How food goes bad. How diapers and clothes might not fit so it is wasted money and to save money for what you will need which is a car seat. OMG so much information she just never thought about at all!!!! I also let her know that driving with a permit is illegal and with a child is endangerment. As my co-worker says “She really thinks this is a baby doll.”
I am beside myself. The reality of having to raise and infant at almost 50 makes me so sad and angry. There is no way she can raise it or take care of it, I am not sure I cannot step in if it goes to care. I fear M1 believes that I am over exaggerating and the kid will get hurt!!! I am keeping close tabs on her and will continue to do so. To her credit she is talking to me and so that will be simpler. She also admitted she will lean on me for advise with kids since I had “some experience” OK not great but ok I will take it.
Holy crud this is the nightmare we have been prepping for mentally for almost 10 years!!!!
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4 thoughts on “The Nightmare Continues

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  1. Wow, on the one hand not surprised on the other… be sure to take care of yourself thru so of this. Self care is important, especially since you have 2, others with special needs to raise. Praying for you.

  2. Sweetie no matter how inevitable this course seemed it is STILL devastating to you. Honey it’s ok to be hurt and angry and any other feelings you might be having. You’ve done all you can. She had to make choices now. If the baby is in danger I know you’ll step in and social services will get involved. That’s not great by any means. It maybe they can get her into an intensive new parent program. We have in-home Family preservation programs like that here (not sure about your state) that seek to educate and support at risk parents. Heck you’ve probably already thought of this. I wish the best for you and your family.

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