OK so this week has been awful with N being belligerent and defiant inside and outside of the house. I was so freaking done then it dawned on me why. So I sat her down and talked to her.
I asked her how she felt about my injury and initially she was defiant and refused to talk. I reminded her for 2 weeks we did it her way, avoiding the conversation, not cooperating, being rude and so forth. I asked her if her way was working at making her feel better and she agreed no. So I told her we would sit at the table until she talked about her feelings and it could take as long or as short a time as she chose. Eventually she admitted that she had not meant to hurt me so badly and that she had never hurt anyone this badly before but that her brain “went viral” and she could not control herself. I told her I was sure she had not meant it which is why I did not fight back but that striking me repeatedly was a choice she made and had to take ownership for. I let her know that I was upset and sad that she chose to do this to me and for awhile I was mad at her to. I assured her I still loved her and that her choice was both poor and bad but that my loving her never actually stopped. She said her family would have stopped loving her and I said it was a good thing she was living with me then.
I reminded her I did not think she was a bad kid and that even though now she was doing all these bad things because she believed she was a bad kid and this is what bad kids do, it did not change the fact she was a good kid. I told her she can’t change what was done, my finger will get better or it won’t but that if she wants to break out of her downward spiral of poor choices she had to start with deciding to do good things and make it up to me by helping me. We came up with some ways she could help and she went to bed.
Ugg this parenting thing is tougher than it looks. Good news is that today she was a little better than she had been. We went to the mall after work and we walked around for two hours and had fun buying some things we all needed and a few we didn’t LOL. We talked about Martin Luther King Jr and his legacy over dinner and I admit I was impressed by how much they learned.
Ended the week on a better note and hopefully we can turn this around.