Dear M1

I am writing to you because lately, you avoid me like the plague. You refuse to talk to me except to ask me to do things for you. You refuse to come home for any length of time and when you do you avoid me as if I am the problem. I hate to break it to you though, I am not the problem.

You are pregnant now because you decided to become pregnant. You had unprotected sex repeatedly  in a desperate attempt to keep a boy who treats  you like crap. You claim you love him between breaking up with him and claiming he is abusive. He runs your life, tells you what to do and how to do it. He prevents you from spending time with us as a family and you allow him to control you like this. He is not a good man and certainly will not be a solid provider the best I can see. He refuses to talk about real plans for supporting his child and lacks the education to get a good job to support you all. I don’t say this to you though because I know that if I do it will only drive you into his arms more and so I keep my mouth shut.

When you were in the hospital I passed no judgement. You had lied to me repeatedly before that and made damn sure I could not be part of your treatment. You told me you were being treated for a blood clot, you were not. You went to urgent care because you were pregnant. You went to the emergency room because they thought it was ectopic. They did an ultrasound to be safe that there was no blood clots but at no time did you ever get treatment for a blood clot as you alleged. It pissed me off that you would go to the extent you did to lie to me like I could not figure out you were pregnant. Despite your insanely  low opinion of my intelligence there are only three conditions under which a 17 year old can be treated without parents consent. But still you lied to my face repeatedly. Finally you came clean and still I did not yell. I did not lecture or even give a long drawn out told ya so speech that I really could have done. I sat there and listened to you. I asked you questions about your needs and concerns and tried to reassure the doubts you had.

You in return listened to boytoy and signed yourself out of the hospital. Went to his home and refused to really talk to me. I tried to tell you boytoy would get more controlling but apparently you swear I am lying and paid me no mind. Yet a few days later you told me that J was being more controlling. I bit my tongue and in my brain I screamed a thousand time told you so. But no I did not say that out  loud. A few days later you wanted mental health’s number because boytoy was being himself yelling and screaming. I again held my tongue and said nothing but gave you info because you needed it. Yep he is yelling and screaming now wait until the kid is born, it will only get worse. But of course you think I am nuts and are not listening to me. OK whatever you are young and mostly stupid you will figure this one out on your own.

You came home for a few brief moments on Friday. You did not even speak to me.  You were crazy rude to N and told her a lie about how she could go to jail for a long time because her room was a fire hazard. Her room was not a fire hazard it was messy. You don’t go to jail for messy rooms, you just were abusive because you found out she took your sour patch kids. I marveled at how nasty you were to her given that you in fact did the same damn thing to me not so long ago.  You went into my room and took my sour patch kids out of my nightstand. You get nasty rude and offensive when karma bites you right back. But again I said not much past telling N she was wrong to steal.

The first Saturday in December we decorate our tree and we have done it for years. We waited this year until Sunday thinking you would be home. You sent a text you were not coming. You claimed you had a headache. It didn’t really matter though, the hurt was clear on M2’s face and I too was hurt that you would choose them over us. But I am not surprised by that any more. I have full faith you will not put us first until you get sick of them and then suddenly you will decide we matter again. It is weird you treat us this was as never in your life have I or your sister ever treated you like you were second class. You then called and said you wanted M2 to come to J’s house to help them decorate their tree. You had no clue how much that hurt M2 that you would help them but not us. It hurt me too but at this point in our relationship I have gotten quite use to you treating me like a common piece of trash.

You then spent a majority of the time on the phone talking to boytoy and M2 felt slighted. She did not know why you hung up on her and was not sure that you wanted to talk to her at all. She was so freaking sad that it broke my heart. I tucked her in and assured her that you loved her despite your behavior. It make me furious that you treat her so poorly. You have no concept of how much she adored you but lately she is falling away from you and getting tired of you lying to her and not keeping promises. You are so stuck on yourself that you don’t get how much you are driving her away from you. Your own sister is being driven away from you by your lies and behavior. You are poisoning your relationship with her and can’t even see it.

The lies continue though. M2 told me you hung up. You messaged and said that the phone cut out and you tried to call again. I just looked on the incoming messages and no you did not try to call back. Why are you lying about this? She is in bed and does not know but you insist you are correct. I get so freaking angry at stupid crap like this, do you not think I have the resources to find out your lies. But no I don’t call you out on it because I don’t want you to fly into yet another rage. You fly into them regularly and I am not in the mood to deal with you screaming and telling me what a piece of crap I am. I sit here and suck up your lies and of course I will not tell your sister the lie because there is no point. She deserves better than this.

You are going through a huge life altering event and refuse to let me be part of it. You made decision to ensure none of your medical folks can talk to me. The down side is that you ask me questions then scream at me for not giving you answers. I can’t give you answers because I have no information. You are too foolish to understand what is going on with your body and life and refuse to talk to the one person who could help you. You have no idea how much your life it going to change and yet when I try to help you think past the immediate present boytoy yanks you from me.

I want to quit and shut you out but I am not cruel. I will sit quietly  mostly biting my tongue and trying not to say things to drive you farther away. I will answer the questions I can and point you in the direction of answers you will need. I will also wait as I am pretty sure all of this will fall apart and then you will want to come back here. I hate that I have to play the second round and the back up plan. I hate that you think so little of me and yet will require me to help you as you are 17 and I am responsible for you.

I am angry at you, upset at your choices and resentful. I simply do not believe you have any ability to raise a child. I cannot see you being capable of caring for the needs of anyone since you can barely care for yourself. I watch you acting out your mother’s life and in between you cursing me out and swearing I am an idiot, I think you see yourself doing it too.

I can’t stop you from your choices kiddo but the pain and stress you are causing your family is something that will take years to heal. The fact you are ruining your life on so many levels is profoundly sad and yet you refuse to see it. No I don’t think any of this is good or will come out well but since you keep on shoving me out I am forced to leave you in the dark. I will wait until your plans all fall apart again and of course help you pick up the pieces for you and your unborn child.

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