My Place in this Mess

I realize that my role in M1’s life is emotional whipping post. Tonight after several extremely rude messages from her and cruel expletives I called her on the phone to talk to her about her clear issue with me at this point.

She told me I am the only abusive relationship she has in her life and that she was done trying to have a relationship with me. Sigh….I get so freaking tired of this. I asked her to give proof of her accusations and of course she brought up one incident that happened 10 years ago in which I had hit her and then apologized realizing it was a mistake. Nope that was abusive and I left marks, hardly child but whatever. I remind her that over the course of time she too has hit me, bite me, scratched, kicked and punched me. None of it was accidental and all of it left marks. I won’t type what she replied to me.

She then said I run my mouth to everyone and create drama. I ask her to clarify since I loathe drama with every fiber of my being. She said I talk to my Mom and my BFF. I remind her that I am allowed to get parenting tips from a parent and that my BFF is who I vent to so I don’t take my frustrations out on them. M1 screamed at me that then my  BFF causes drama and I do nothing. Well yes my BFF runs her mouth like a child at times but do I listen? M1 agreed I do not. I remind her that many times she says stupid crap too but that doesn’t mean I act on it or chastise her for it. I also reminded her that all my BFFs ridiculous comments are said in the privacy of our home so no we are not telling everyone.

I agreed with her that our relationship is not awesome. I also pointed out it is in large part because of her actions and choices. I reminded her that she constantly verbally abuses me, regularly use to physically abuse me and so yes the relationship was challenged because she was being an abuser. She screamed and yelled at me but then I reminded her how many times I screwed up parenting and then apologized for it. I then pointed out how after I apologized for my screw up I did NOT do it again. M1 well you have lied, stolen and attack me for 12 years straight. You have gotten me into legal trouble, you have been suspended from school, refused to participate in counseling, refused to take medications to help manage your emotions and on and on. Guess what kiddo I am NOT the sole reason our relationship is not awesome, you also play a role.

M1 calmed down after that then wanted to know if she can use my membership to the YMCA. Well no if you don’t want this relationship then you get none of the perks of this relationship so no. She got angry with me but I reminded her she is choosing to focus on boytoy and that unless she started spending time with our family doing our family things I was not required by any law to give you access to season passes to the park, gym memberships, trips to exotic locations, nothing. I paid for her food, clothing and incidentals and that was my requirement. The perks come from being in a relationship with me. I also advised her the pool was closed as it was too late to go swimming anyway.

So in the end she decided I am still the only abusive person in her life and I am done trying. I did not engage further when she came home to grab some stuff except to say that if she continued to break into my house I would have her arrested. She could call me and come by at arranged times not like a criminal. She left for the weekend and I am too tired to care. She agreed to come next week to my parents house while M2, N and I go to Disney. M1 demanded to be dropped off prior to Thanksgiving and my Mom and I said “Nope you arrange it yourself, not driving you. Thanksgiving is for family and if you choose to not be with us, your family, you make it happen.”

I am so tired of trying to make peace with her but I am not sure what else to do. Part of me really wants her gone and the rest of me worries what will happen. Yeah not the idea I had when it came to how i would end up parenting.

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