So I am on the crap list again for M1 and I am trying not to make it obvious I just don’t care. Last week she demanded a TV in her room and then a notebook computer so she could watch “her shows” When reminded she is home three hours a day by herself which is plenty of time for television she became vile and aggressive. I just walked away half hoping that she would attack me so I could call the police. Yes I know that is wrong but I am done. I then called N upstairs so that M1 could not unleash her fury on her either.
Yesterday M1 asked if she could keep the puppy that boytoy had gotten. I said no. I reminded her that I already have four cats and one dog that I take care of and the last thing I needed was another dog to train, feed and pay vet bills for. M1 got angry, mouthed off and told me that “this was all bs.” Yes I knew what she was referring to but guess what I felt the same way directed at her. You are not even home a week and already you are demanding things which will cost me money I don’t have and oh your promise of having a job soon, don’t make me laugh.
Inside I was a ball of rage. Where on earth was this sense that you could demand things of me and that I would comply. Did she really think she was doing me a favor by moving back in with us? I could not understand the sense of entitlement she was displaying. I talked her whole life about working hard for things and be grateful for things she did get. I did not understand why on earth at 17 she thought she could boss me around and treat me like dirt. I sure as heck didn’t do this to my mother so where was it coming from?
Meanwhile M2 and N were getting bothered by how negative M1 was being. She was never around them and when she was there briefly she was nasty and short with them. I took her to see the nurse practitioner that prescriber meds in the past. M1 was honest with her and admitted at least that she had been behaving miserably and did perhaps need medication. I reminded her that boytoy was against her being on medication and asked her if she was really going to take it given he was so much against it. The NP picked up on the comment and asked M1 if her relationship was unbalanced. At first she said nothing but after a few seconds and me agreeing she did say it was a bit unbalanced.
The NP gave her a pep talk and they agreed to try a medication for a few weeks. Of course M1 refused to pick it up because she was with boytoy. I picked it up and she grabbed it away from me and rushed out to his truck. I get the distinct feeling she won’t really be taking it which means no break for us. I try to be sensitive and encourage her as I am pretty sure it doesn’t feel good for her either to be so insanely mad all the time. Unfortunately I cannot make her do much and even if the meds helped, they won’t help if she won’t take them regularly like she should.
It is so frustrating to have to live like this. I am documenting everything, the missed returns home, the missing school work, the acting out…all of it as I am sure I will need it later.