Apparently I’ve lost my freedoms

I got a call today and they said to me…

“If you do not allow M1 to move back into the home then we  will be press neglect and abandonment charges against you.”

I tried to explain that she left of her own free will, she is abusive and volatile with us and that she is unstable and creates a hazard in our home. I was told I had no options but to take her back and “if she does it again to call the police” I pointed out how I had offered to pay for a room to rent so she could live there, how I got her the information on her GED, how she refused home schooling and nothing was heard. If I don’t take her back I am facing charges, there was not conversation to be had.

I won’t lie I just cried. I called the Deacon and he said it is rare but yes it could happen. I called my counselor and she had no advice. I called my friends and called my family. This is a nightmare that will not end. I cannot have peace apparently. I don’t know what M1 has been telling folks but here I am again with the possibility of facing charges WTF. Part of me is like fine bring it, the reasonable part of me knows I can’t emotionally stand another round of CPS involvement.

I am trapped by a system that is completely ineffective. I have to allow the abuse to happen again and then take action against it. I have to allow her to manipulate, control and be herself then press charges this time to get some relief. What kind of freaking world do we live in where a manipulative 17 year old can threaten the lifestyle of a 49 year old combat veteran? What about my darn rights?

Yes I know I have the right to remain silent. I am at a complete and total loss and have no idea what to do. I know she is not really sorry for anything. I know this is a giant manipulation to get what she wants. I can’t stop it even though it is my home and my life. So I sit and cry. Cry because I am mad, sad, upset angry and worst of all almost helpless against the attacks which my child brings against me.

I can’t even…..

4 thoughts on “Apparently I’ve lost my freedoms

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  1. I am so, so sorry. That’s what I was afraid of for you – it’s my understanding of the law that if she is under 18 you can’t refuse to let her come home. Pretty much no matter what she does. If she wants to be living elsewhere at 17 you are in the clear, but if she wants to come home and you say no, it’s legally abandonment. It creates an effed up situation where she gets to live under your roof without having to agree to following ANY of your rules, and she gets to leave and come back when she wants. I understand why the law is that way, you can’t have parents just kicking out their kids, but it really cuts the legs out from under you as a parent.

    If she’s an imminent physical danger to you or your other girls that would change it, but unfortunately they don’t care that the current situation isn’t good for any of your emotional or mental well being.

    My daughter is only 13 and I guess in a weird way we were lucky that she’s so physically aggressive and dangerous (firesetting, assaulting adults with no cause or warning) that DSS agreed with us she can’t be home. She’s been in a residential treatment center for almost a year and the plan is long term residential. But we live with the nagging fear that one day she will get just enough better that she can convince them it’s safe for her to come home, and we will have to live like that again. We love her but the idea of ever living with her again is terrifying.

    Parenting a child this mentally ill is a heartbreaking nightmare I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m sorry you and your other daughters have to live through this.

  2. Thank you sounds like you really get the struggle. I have put a few things in place including talking to the others about what is not acceptable behavior and that they should always tell me what is going on. I remind them how much M1 lies to them in hopes they can understand that I am there for their protection as well despite what M1 tells them.

  3. Weird. Where I live, I’ve heard of a few families that have voluntarily had their kids enter foster care when they couldn’t care for them. Maybe if you had reported her as a runaway that would make a difference? Also, what’s available post adoption? Here there are services for older adopted children, which can include residential treatment.

    Best of luck. I hope you find a solution that works for all your family.

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