Feeling Used

Today M1 sent another message to me asking if she could move home. This time she told me she had to move home because “her friends need her”. I reminded her that she was miserable with us. She had nothing but disdain for me and was constantly angry at her sisters. Since we had not changed, this would not change. She again reiterated her demands and I reminded her (1) I encouraged her to get a job, (2) said she could get her permit after her grades came up, (3) had no money for a car for her and (4) letting you come and go as you please was not even safe.

She of course argued with me that her grades were good and that she just wanted a permit without having to earn it. She said she would tell  where and with whom she was going but did not think a curfew was appropriate. She also clarified she did not want me to buy her a car only help her buy a car.  I asked her about the equivalency diploma and she said “oh I don’t think I can do it”

OK so let me get this right, you move out. I told you it was a super bad idea. I reminded you about school, you told me you would have a ride to get there. I reminded you about your friends, you told me that you can make tons of friends easy and always do.  I told you it would not be possible to transfer as I lived in a different district. She raged at me, swore at me, threw something and now wants to come home?!??

OK you told boytoys mom that you were being bullied at school. You told his mom I was violent and abusive. You hotlined me and told them that I regularly beat you and the others. You were smoking, drinking and having unprotected sex. Why do I want this in my home again? I think what aggravates me the most is the tone that she is doing me a favor. SHe will grace me with her presence if I cave to her demands. I don’t know how I was not clear before when I said over a hundred times “my house my rules”.

How is it she cannot or will not see that she caused most of the problems in the house that forced the rules. Does she not remember how emotionally unstable, aggressive and abusive she was to all of us? Does she not recall not doing a dang thing including her own laundry when she was living here? How in her mind would I miss the defiance, the verbal abuse, the instability, the rule breaking, the sibling threats, the sneaking the boyfriend in when I was in bed? How in God’s green earth can she not see the damage she caused to this family?

OK OK I know I sound like a giant whiner right now. I swear I do love her but about 5 months ago I was DONE being abused by her. She kept rebelling and rebelling and as I saw her slip farther into her insanity, I would try to talk to her but she refused to heed a darn thing I said. Now, well she doesn’t even care about us. She wants to move home to spend time with her friends and do whatever she wants to do.

Yes I admit part of me wants her home, but it is a super small and easily over ridden piece. She has not changed and just wants us to cater to her whim. I am stunned and hurt that after all the mess she created she truly feels that she has the right to negotiate. I cannot even fathom where she gets the notion I am in the mood to negotiate with her. What about us? What about the family you hurt? If you come home and screw us over again, what will we do? How will we come back from the hurt and anger you created?

OMG sooooo frustrated. I want to strangle her and hug her at the same time. Part of me clings to the hope she really does miss us, the rest of me basks in the cold reality she is manipulating to get her way. I so wish I could time travel to see how this plays out so I can make the best decisions.

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