Can I Come Home?

OK so my BFF and I had a bet as to how long the move out situation would last. I said two weeks given M1’s propensity to make a huge mess of any situation she is in. My BFF said it would be a week. Turns out I was right.

Last week M1 sent me a message asking about buying a used car. I told her that prices would vary depending on make, model, mileage and of course the seller. I also reminded her that there was insurance, inspections, maintenance, gas and registration which had to happen so plan for those as well. I added that having a permit (she doesn’t) only allows her to drive with another licensed driver so she could not drive independently from boytoy’s house to school every day even if she did get her permit. She thanked me and said she would try to to figure out how to get all that money. I let it go and was appreciative she said thank you to be honest.

This morning in the midst of getting M2 and N out the door to school, I hear the tell tale ding on my phone that says someone messaged me. I don’t answer at first as it can wait and I assumed it was M2s Aunt who wanted to take M2 to a football game today (her step son is playing our high school team). When the kids are out the door I look and it was M1 who wanted to know if she can move back home. Honestly I started laughing and just thought to myself “Oh heck no.” She had asked the question and was not online so I did ask her what her motivations were.

Truthfully I don’t want her back home. The other two have not had a big fight since she left. There has been almost no yelling or fighting. Nobody demanding they be waited on hand and foot. I have not been verbally abused the entire time and yeah a lot of reasons that the answer I want to give is no. Sigh. I will have to have her explain her motives. I am not sure if it is really that she misses her high school or she just misses the perks of living with me. She was upset we went to Fright Fest without her, she was even madder when she found out that I planned a trip to Florida next month. Oh well pumpkin if my rules are so awful, my money is not yours to spend.

So we shall see how it unfolds. I am torn to be sure but I think I will pray on it to see what happens from there.


UPDATE- When asked why she wants to move back, here is her response.

“Because I have to go to school, but if I come home I would like some changes. I’m not trying to bribe you or anything. I just would like to get my permit, and car, get a job and to let me go anywhere without asking, just letting you know what I am doing and who and when I will be home.”
I have tried for 9 months to help her get a job. I have told her she can have her permit once she gets her grades out of the toilet and we have no money for a car sooooo.
Bottom line, NO you do not come to me and tell me how I am going to run my house so that I can feed and shelter you. I did however give her the information on how to get her high school equivalency and stated she should check it out.

5 thoughts on “Can I Come Home?

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  1. oh, that is a tough one. I know that when my younger daughter left our home nearly a year ago (long story), I hoped she would get some help and be able to come home. I thought that maybe with some services and a break we would be able to recharge and then be ready to try again at home. Instead, a break from living with her had the opposite effect. It was only after she left that we fully realized how awful things had been living with her, and how unhealthy it was for all of the rest of us. Instead of feeling like “whew, we’ve had a break, we can try some more,” we felt like going back to living with her was unthinkable.

    Have you ever been reading in a room at dusk, and it’s getting a little dark and you know you should flick the light on but you don’t feel like getting up and doing it. And finally someone walks in and puts the light on. And you realize you were sitting in pretty much darkness, but you had no idea how dark it was until someone put the light on. For me, our daughter leaving was like that. It sounds like maybe this has been a little like that for you too.

    It’s got to be so hard right now, to figure out what is best for you, and for her, and for your other kids, and find a way to balance all that. She is under 18, correct? Would there be legal ramifications of refusing to let her come home?

  2. Yes and no. I am responsible for her but you can move out at 17 with parental consent. I did not consent to moving in with the boyfriend but I am not opposed to potentially making her get a job and living in an apartment that I help support to give her a real world feel without being homeless.

  3. Don’t you love it when the kids tell you what their demands are in your house? Hope got in trouble last week and before I handed down her consequences she started a sentence with, “You need to explain to me…” Let me stop you right there–I do not. Nope. No,you did X and the consequences are Y, there’s your explanation.

    Sounds like you’ve got this as painful as it may be.

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