I met M1 today with N and M2 to get her a non-driver ID and to give her some clothes. Yeah remember the nastiness on Tuesday, well here I am being kind again even though it doesn’t help me at all.
I asked them to be there at 3:30 so we could beat the after work rush at DMV as it is open late on Thursdays. They arrived at 3:50 just in time to catch everyone else out of work and lining up. While M2 was happy to see her sister, M1 looked like hell. She smelled horribly of smoke and her breath stunk as if she too was smoking. Her hair was filthy and unbrushed. Her face broken out like crazy and honestly I am not sure when she showered last. I struggled to keep my comments to myself because no point in making hateful remarks if she is going to go beothchy on me when I did nothing wrong.
She looked tired and the way she was acting made it clear she was not getting enough sleep and she was clearly not happy. She refused to talk to me much at all. I told her where she needed to sign on the paperwork and she did. I asked her a few basic questions, told her how to get a copy of her birth certificate and SS card and she basically refused to acknowledge I exist. It totally pissed me off she was being so rude but then I remembered it might be part of an act, if she showed she was grateful then her stories about what an a*** hole I am would not be true. She is keeping up appearances I remind myself and swallow hard all the negative things I want to say.
When we walked out to the car after we were done I told her that I packed up her Halloween leggings as I thought she would want them even though she did not ask for them. I also told her that I brought some of her makeup with us in case she wanted it. I had packed three bags of clothing to be sure she had enough heavier clothes as I know she gets cold. I also packed socks even though she didn’t ask for them. M1 was happy I brought all the stuff but at no time said thank you or acknowledged my extra efforts. Of course I am still the antiChrist that much is clear and yet here we are, me doing exactly what you wanted.
Sigh…I know I need to stop expecting validation from her it won’t happen. I need to accept she is never going to be kind to me until she needs something so do only what I want to for her comfortably. She will be shocked to learn I totally cleaned her room. I tossed out two large garbage bags full of crap and found things like cigarettes, Monster energy drinks and oh yeah the candy she stole from me.
I need to focus on the positive, she came, she did talk to me and M2 seems happier.