M1 messages me and asks if she can come over she has no clothes and wants her birth certificate and SSN card. Umm no those are my copies I will meet you and we can get you the non driver ID you want but no you are not getting my only copy of these documents. She is aggravated with me and abruptly ends the conversation. OK whatever sorry we are at TaeKwonDo on Tuesdays this is not news. I will see you Thursday when we meet to get you your non driver ID.
Last night I hand M2 my phone so she can talk to M1. Immediately M1 starts with me not letting her come over for clothes and M2 freaks. I calm her down and ask M1 to please not discuss meeting plans with M2 as it gets her worked up. She immediately responds and calls me by my first name. I ask what the issue is, why the rudeness and if she cannot continue in a respectful tone I will end the conversation for now and she says.
Don’t threaten me. She is my family, my blood. And honestly I am sick of this. You are mad at me because I moved out but that doesn’t give you the right to tell me when I can or cannot see my sister.
See what I deal with. I patiently reminded the young child that (1) I was not threatening, she was on my Facebook account and if she wanted to talk to her sister she needed to not disrespect me in the process (2) I gave M2 the phone to message her, if I did not want her to have contact I would not have handed my phone over (3) the only reason she could not come over was because we were not at home (sent her a photo from the dojo) I never said she could not come over, never said she could not see M2, just said not TODAY because we were not home. She almost backs down but my Mom senses are tingling. Something is wrong as she does not normally go bat sh** crazy on me in an instant.
I let her talk to M2 over the phone for several minutes. We go to class and I send her a message “Please call me. I am not mad.” I am now concerned that she is having trouble as she normally doesn’t rip my face off at the get go. Eventually she calls me and honestly I was relieved to hear her voice. She sounded pissed off and angry at first so I was uber calm and tried to talk to her. I explained I wanted no planning with M2 because M2 does not understand when things cannot happen and assumes it is an emergency. I told her that she can talk to M2 using my phone no issues, but can you please just pretend to be respectful. I reminded her I loved her and was NOT keeping her sister from her. I asked her if she was coming up for her ID and what clothes she needed so I can bring them to her. I reminded her that I can have M2 meet us there so she can see her and will not have to make a second trip. M1 seemed to calm down a bit after that, thankfully.
Then I was brutally honest with her I said “Look M1 I am not mad at you for moving out of the house. I am concerned for your future and the fact you are making decisions now that will impact that future. I am concerned you are trying to get pregnant and dropping out of school. I am not mad at your decision. I understand you think you are grown and know all and yes at 17 I was kicked out but I had a job AND a high school diploma so I am truly just worried for you. I still love you regardless of your choices and always will even when I cannot accept your choices. I want you to be safe and if there is a problem know you can talk to me about it.” She got sort of quiet and said “OK Mom”
I want bonus points for not pointing out that yes in fact I can control when and where you talk to and or see your sister. I can and would get a “no contact” order if you continue your crap and oh yeah I can block you on my Facebook so you can forget all this if it keeps up. Sigh…nope didn’t say any of that. Downloaded the forms she needs for her non driver ID and filled them out for her.
Give me strength………