Messy Relationships

No not mine, my oldest child’s.

Recently I saw that yet again M1 went to “in a relationship” status on Facebook. I knew who it was and I was sad, really sad. I felt helpless to stop her and angry she could not see what was going on. Let me tell you how it went down.

About a month ago M1 brought her phone to the dinner table, a big no-no. I reminded her to put it away and she defied me. I asked her again and she screamed at me. She then threw her plate down on the table and said “F***** you b**** I am going to message my friend!!!” and went to her room. I ate dinner in silence, mostly trying to calm myself the heck down and not explode as my child had just done. Dinner is finished and I go downstairs and attempt to talk to her.

She explains that K is on his way over to our house (uninvited) and when I said no he told M1 he had to see her or he was going to kill himself. I reminded her that his decision to kill himself was solely on him and if he was in that much danger, then she should call the cops to do a health and welfare check. I won’t even type the expletives that came out of her mouth. I told her to let K know that I would call the cops then as if he was truly suicidal he needed real help NOT my daughter. More cursing then suddenly he was no longer suicidal. Yeah I doubt he ever was.

The next day I talked to M1 about how emotionally abusive K’s actions were. How he made her feel helpless and as if she was to blame for the choices he threatened to make. I cautioned her that she needed to be sure of her resources in case at some point she found herself in this situation again. That night again the phone at the table, this time K was telling her he had to see her it was soo important. Umm no we have plans you can’t come over.

So then she starts asking K for rides here and there. She tells me he is obsessed with her and I remind her that just because she is in desperate want of a boyfriend that this young man clearly had issues to be careful. I let her know every time she asks him for something, he is going to assume you want to date him and if that was not her intention then she should not ask him for things. I also got to meet K and I said to him point blank “I find out again you are threatening to kill yourself I will call the cops and the fire department you volunteer at. I am pretty sure they would want to know if a member is suicidal.” Yes M1 was peeved at me, see the look on my face this is me not caring.

Now of course as I clearly saw coming she is dating him. I could not help myself yesterday and said to her “OK so you are dating the guy who was emotionally manipulative, threatens suicide when you don’t do what he wants and now you are going to date him for…….”

I am alternating between sad that she is so desperate for love and angry that this idiot is in her life…..I need patience by the bucket load.

One thought on “Messy Relationships

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  1. Ugh, I’m so sorry. We have been there, fortunately with a different outcome. Hope told me one time that she wanted someone to love her who wasn’t obligated to love her like a parent or family member. She needed to feel like someone cared. We zeroed in on working through that for a while. She’s still vulnerable, but I see growth. I’m hoping that M1 realizes her worth and stops settling. ❤

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