No worries, kids are fine LOL.
Recently after a conversation with my counselor I decided I was not really happy. The problem is that some of the things that make me saddest are in fact the very kids I love so much. So my therapist asked me to look at my life and determine what I could get rid of that would take other “unhappy” areas out of my life as there is no way in hell I would EVER get rid of the kids….though M1…no no I would never.
The first thing I tackled was Tae Kwon Do. While I do enjoy it, lately I have not been and so I took some time to think why. Well sometimes, all right a lot lately, I had to fight with M1 to get her to go. I hated that and it usually ended with her screaming I was a b*** and she was not f**** coming. But it felt like more than that for some reason. Then one night I was in class and a few things dawned on me….(1) I am literally the oldest person on the mat, (2) while I can do a great number of things the fact I have arthritis in about 70% of my body sometimes makes things super freaking hard and the rod in my neck means I will NEVER be able to turn my head and (3) it was always “The black belts except ANYM”. Now that last one is because I had forgotten many of my forms and so I got it but it still hurt, it hurt a lot. Well you can’t just quit because things are hard you have to talk to the instructors, so I forced myself to talk to the Assistant Instructor who is all of 21.
I sat down with her and told her all the above plus some more details about things that are too specific to put in here. When I finished the young lady looked like she would cry. She told me she was sooo sorry that I felt that way and would be devastated if I quit for real. I was confused so she explained it to me. She acknowledged yes I was the oldest person on the mat but the fact was that most days I kept up and did not finish last. She pointed out that was a testament to my endurance. She then told me that by far I was the strongest woman on the mat, regardless of my age. She then proceeded to tell me how I had helped this one and that one because quite frankly I had forgotten. When we finished we came up with a plan so I could help more with the students and learn the forms that I had since forgotten. OMG so relieved I talked to her!!!!
The following week, when at Tae Kwon Do, the Master Instructor approached me before class (she is all of 22). She asked me if I wanted to be on the leadership team for the school to help out officially with a variety of things in classes etc. I was stunned, I pointed out all the things that I cannot do and she laughed and said that no one can do it all and that as long as I can instruct people how to do it that was half the battle. I said I would think about it. Well the Assistant Instructor contacted me and said I had to consider it and basically begged me to do it. Training would start on 9/22/17. All I could think was “really I almost just quit, is this a trap?” I talked to my BFF and she said it was not they had wanted to ask me before but with the girls they were not sure I could do it. All righty then maybe I don’t stink as bad as I thought.
So then I took another look around. I had a part time job. I would come home and I would have to write product descriptions for this company. My contract was 20 a night and we worked whenever there was work which sometimes meant 7 days a week. I had been doing the job for three years when it dawned on me that I no longer liked it. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE writing but having to do things night after night stunk. The worst part was that I was paid per word, so when I had to look things up because no I have no idea what lures are used for what, I did not get paid for that time. I could work 5-30 hours a week and only ended up earning about $2 an hour when all was said and done.
I thought about it and then remembered, if I was going to spend more time at TKD then I would have less time for the PDs. Well that was an easy cut. So I let them know I could not write anymore and they dropped me off the roles. In fact right now it is weird because normally I don’t blog until around 11 because the PDs had to get done. Well not tonight they didn’t.
I then talked to the girls and straightened them out a bit. They needed to get themselves up, they needed to do their chores and they were going to have to come to TKD more often regardless of their wants. Why do I not leave them at home…simple…in public they don’t fight as much so a win on both sides. Oh did I mention the Grandmaster, without me asking, went over to M1 and talked with her? Suddenly she wants to go back to class again…thank goodness.
So today I feel a bunch happier than I have in the past few months. I actually made some really good meal choices to so that with the training I can get healthier overall. The kids got themselves up with fewer prompts and no yelling on my part so a win there too. Yikes I had no idea how much this was weighing me down. So glad I took time to re-evaluate.