Visiting N’s Birth Family

Today we drove to Boonville to visit N’s birth family. A two and a half hour drive through country, country and an occasional pseudo city. We were to meet them at the park and visit for two hours. We coordinated a lunch in advance so the kids on both sides would not be hungry. OMG the drama before hand…let me tell you how it plays out.

Yesterday after three weeks off the babysitter was back. I dropped them off and on pick up knew the feces hit the oscillating device. Babysitter explained N had a melt down over the TV. M1 started swearing and M2 joined in. N ran to the yard, M1 kept swearing and M2 just yelled. Finally babysitter said “Fine calling your Mom” and the collective idiots pulled their heads from their butts and knocked it off.  Darn straight you DON”T want Mom called.

In the car M1 starts calling N vicious names and being a world class…well….b**. I let her rant for a minute then corrected her some. I get her concern, yes N was wrong but no more character attacks unless you want me to join in and go after you. M1 and M2 started screaming “We are not going to the f*** visit and you can’t make us!!!” I literally laughed out loud and said “Yeah ok you two are talking like you are in charge.” They screeched some more about what a piece of garbage I was, how wrong I was and I laughed again and said “OK even if that is true, you are still not in charge. Suck it up buttercups.” They raged for a few seconds more and I never gave in or tried to argue so they gave up quick.

N was quiet in the seat and I asked for her side, She said she was not going let anyone tell her family what a horrible person she has been lately because it was not their business. I told her that it was  a free country and that despite your best efforts you could not force us to not talk and if we wanted to share that stuff we had the right too. After all I reminded her, you punched me, screamed at me and made an idiot of yourself at my family gathering two weeks ago. She sat sullenly but didn’t argue. I reassured her that even though  M1 and M2 were raging about telling all this crap, I knew for fact they were better people and would not do it. I reminded her how her behavior this week caused them to be aggravated and that is why they were saying mean things. I then LOUDLY reminded all present in the van that when you speak meanly about another person it does not make the person you are speaking about look bad, instead it makes you look bad.

We get home and I go to M1’s room. I talk quietly to her “what is going on? why do you have three seconds of patience? I am worried you are going through something and not telling me.” She glares at me and I remind her in a very quiet voice I am coming from a place of concern not blame, or anger just concern because since she has been off her meds she has been snapping left and right. I told her that yes I knew I had been off as well as they changed my meds but that if something more was going on I did want to know. She suddenly became talkative…she talked and talked finally getting it all off her chest. Nope nothing horrid just a lot of little crap. I thank her for being honest and remind her that I love her deeply even when she is being a pain in the arse. She smiled and said “yay I know” OK good then my job is done.

I dreaded morning can I just say that…I get up early to go give blood, Yes I have O+ they call me the second I can give again. I am almost to double digit gallon pins I have given so much blood. Oh well I am healthy and it is good to do. While there my phone rings it is M2. I cringe in fear, the dilemma…..they can’t get the lid off the Goober jar it is stuck and they are trying to follow my list of to-do things but can’t make sandwiches. I remind them warm water and they hang up. I get home and the kids are watching TV….sigh…idiot box is on but hey they are not fighting. Go to get in the car and M2 stars almost immediately that her sister is a b**** and she is not going anywhere. I sigh look right at her and say “OK cool see you in about 8 hours.” Get in the van put the keys in the ignition. She hops in..yep didn’t t fool me child.

Ride up is good. We stop at Dunkin Donuts because this is our tradition. We get to the park and we see N’s family. My other two have not met the family so after N ran to meet her family she came back to get the girls N’s Mom looked all concerned and said “OMG R stop her she is talking to strangers and one looks a bit rough.” I laughed and said “It’s ok J they are my other daughters and yes one looks rough but it is all an act.” J looked truly embarrassed at that point but ok whatever honest mistake. M1 wasn’t helping by the way she dyed her hair black, wore black distressed shorts and had on a skull t-shirt. I can see why the word rough was used- heehee

N is hanging all over the family and only her Mom and Grandma seem to return the affection. The brothers interact with her but clearly don’t want to have a ton to do with her but hey at least this time they were trying. They blow her off and ignore her requests until their Mother tells them to do it. I have pleasant conversations with the adults and with the older brother but nothing earth shaking.  It doesn’t feel really too awkward but at the same time it was clear most of them wanted to leave and not extend the visit.  I feel for them I really do, this has to be hard for them.

We go to leave and say our goodbyes. On the way home I have N read the letter from my attorney saying the adoption will happen on Thursday. She doesn’t get it at first and then she does. She starts to laugh and reassures me that she does get it she is FINALLY going to be adopted but not kept from her first family. Oh good that second piece is critical. The girls fall asleep in the van so thankfully quiet ensues. We get home and N and M2 start to go at it. I remind them that Great Escape can be cancelled and they again get their acts together.

Showered and shoved into bed I am enjoying the quiet. It is only for a bit but hey I will take it. So tomorrow church and Great Escape, should be a fun day.


2 thoughts on “Visiting N’s Birth Family

Add yours

  1. I’m so happy that you get to adopt N. Hope the day is very special for all of you.
    Love your parenting. “See you in 8 hours” is a classic.

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