OK please understand I am laughing as I type this because of the absurdity of all of it. Yes it is all true, I swear so hopefully you can laugh too.
I have told N now for four days to clean up her room. It is gad-awful, clothes, wrappers and dirt all over. Ignores me on Friday, Saturday and on Monday night she tells me it is half clean. I go down today, Tuesday morning and nope not done. Sooooo I ask why it was not done and the answer “I was planning what to do.” Ummm no you are stalling hoping I will give up but guess what I have a plan too…
So after dinner I go downstairs to her room. I go and sit in the corner away from all of the mess and from her. I sit down, back to the wall and get comfortable. I know we will be here for awhile. N looks right at me and says in her nastiest voice “You don’t need to be here!!” I look at her and say “Yep you are right. I want to be here.” She pisses and moans about the horrificness of the fact I am sitting in her room when she clearly does not want to clean it. OK this starts at 7:00pm.
7:00-7:45- N moved the paper from one spot to another, back again and back yet again. She then decides they all need to be folded twice. She painstakingly folds every single piece of paper she can find. I think when she stacked it up it was about 4 inches thick. She then took a gift bag and put them all in there. I keep my mouth shut. She glares at me several times to see if I say anything….nope you are being defiant I am going to roll with it.
7:45-8:00- N moves the clothes from one side of the room to another. She picks them up, puts them down next to her and occasionally puts one right back where it was originally. She then goes into her closet for awhile. I don’t follow as I know for fact it will piss her off. After a few minutes she realizes I am not going to bite and she comes out. By now M2 has fallen asleep on my lap from waiting.
8:00-8:33- N takes a kids watercolor paint brush and starts “sweeping” the area with almost no mess. She painstakingly covers the whole area for awhile. She then decides her blush brush is a better way to clean the floor so she takes that and begins the whole process again. All the while she is doing this she looks at me several different times. I continue to smile and keep my fat mouth shut. Look kiddo I know you are being defiant and I accept your challenge to be more stubborn…oh you should know I have over 45 years of practice being stubborn you cannot win oh chil’ of mine.
8:33- N veers up and yells at me “Can I go to bed?” I say “Sure soon as your room is clean.” She starts yelling “You always want me in bed at 8 and it is past that now” “You are being mean to me and not letting me sleep” “I have to get up in the morning and you are making it too hard to do so don’t blame me when I can’t get up.” I choke back the laughter and say to her “Well then I would suggest that you clean your room faster so you can get to bed sooner.” More yelling ensues to the point the M2 wakes up. I say nothing and choke the laughter back because she is peeved and looking for a reason to fight with me. She mutters and mutters and I say not a word. She storms around the room and starts putting things away for real. She yells she doesn’t have room, I am unfair, she doesn’t have enough bins and I won’t let her buy any. I say nothing you are NOT going to drag me into your stubborn fits.
8:57- room is clean and she snaps at me “There it’s done are you happy now?” I smile and say “Yes I am thank you. Oh and next time if you don’t want me to sit here and supervise you maybe you should try doing what you should when you should. Oh and every night you go to bed around 9-9:30 so you are good still.” If looks could kill….well I would at least need an ambulance, maybe the coroner hard to say.
I come upstairs and laugh until my sides hurt. Really you thought that your plan to stall was going to what send me back upstairs? I would start to help you out of frustration? Ummm no but I will be happy to out stubborn you and oh did I mention I WIN!!!!!!
OK OK I have to stop laughing before I wake M2 back up again.