Heart Breaking Talks

So I still see Little Bit and Little Man and this weekend I got to have Little Bit come and visit. Her brother was running a fever and not himself so it was tough but of course I love to take either or both of them.

When I went to pick them up Little Bit flew into my arms and hugged me tight. She kept her tiny arms wrapped around my neck for almost a full minute before I could convince her it was all right and she was coming for a weekend. Little Man bolted into my arms as well. Poor baby he was soo freaking hot from his fever, I just covered him in kisses and put him back on his bed. Their Grandfather brought me outside to talk to me while the girls got Little Bit ready to go.

Apparently Mom is in jail and is going to be sent away for “a long time” Dad was in jail but his job bailed him out and now no one knows were he is. He has four warrants one federal warrant so yeah not sure if we will see him any time soon. Grandfather looked tired but said he was all right. His birthday is Wednesday and I feel like I should do something small for him in celebration because he has worked his butt off. He lets me know he is retiring come next week and I am glad for him. It will be so much less stressful for all of them.

We have a blast with Little Bit. She regularly comes and snuggles in my lap. She wants A LOT of contact with me and of course I am happy to give it. We make all her favorite foods and do things like food shopping which she loves doing. She sleeps with me of course and checked about 90 times to be sure I was there all night long. SHe also told me to stop snoring which of course I laughed about because yeah I have a deviated septum and horrific allergies not gonna happen kiddo.

Getting ready to take her home and Little Bit looks like she is going to cry. Immediately I scoop her up because she is just NOT a crier. She buries her head into my chest and squeezes my arm tight. Finally after several minutes she said “I never gonna see you again after today” OK I am confused, who said this and when. She squeezes me harder and says “Mommy was home and ran away. She came back and got sick and now she is away again and we don’t know for how long.” I hugged her tight, translation Mom was sober, relapsed, back on the streets and now in jail. She continue “Now Daddy is never home and he is not coming back anytime” Yeah I know honey I do know. Dad probably relapsed too and for sure is in trouble with the law. But yikes you are four it is not my place to tell you what is going on.

I hug her tight for a long time and she clings to me. I whisper that I am going no where and love her so much. I tell her I am sorry Mommy and Daddy are sick but that no I am not going to get sick like Mommy and Daddy. She curls into a ball in my lap and just clings for almost five minutes straight. She does not believe me at all and of course I can’t blame her, I mean she is four and two important people in her life just left her, life doesn’t make sense.

We drop her off and she clings to me again. I whisper more I love yous and tell her that I will see her soon. Her uncle reminds her that she can see me almost any time she wants and that I won’t be gone for too much longer. I talk to her uncle for a bit and he agrees that maybe I should spend more time with Little Bit given that “well you know my Dad told you” I make sure he has my phone number and as I go to leave I hear from the back room “Mommy ANYM??” I look and it is Little Man. I go over and give him a tight hug and he hugs me back. He is not as warm but still clearly not himself. I remind him we can make plans soon and that I hope he feels better and we go to leave.

I really didn’t want to let her go and yet I know her Grandfather adores her and wants what is best for her. I am sure it is tough for her but all I can do is continue to be there and pray for comfort for all of them. Sometimes it is hard though I must admit, really hard.

7 thoughts on “Heart Breaking Talks

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  1. Your story is so touching! I thought after I read your “Happy Un-Mother’s Day” post that perhaps you could help the children grasp their situation in this simple way when they feel their birth mother’s lack of attention and wonder if she really loves them. You don’t want to say, “No she’s too self-centered to love anyone else. And this may not be true, either.”

    Maybe you could explain that her love for them is like the sun. It’s there and once in awhile shines through, but often many clouds rolling across the sky totally obscure it so they can’t see it. The clouds are like her own issues that fog her mind so she can’t focus on loving her children. She needs to clear her life of these clouds so the sun can shine on them clearly again. But there is a genuine affection for them somewhere back there.

    Which is how life is for all of us. When dark clouds fill our sky and blot out the sun we soon feel there’ll never be sunshine again. 😦

    About tagging: you could have tagged this Children, Kids, Home, Family, and Personal, We’re allowed up to 15 Ts & Cs, so use as many —especially of the main ones— as you can.

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