Guess what it is official we are at three months and one day. N has lasted longer in my home than ANY OTHER of the 8 homes she has been in. OK being straight up there were times I could not imagine holding this together. Well all right it sort of fell apart BUT it did not disintegrate so points there.
But seriously, yesterday of course on our anniversary date, N had a meltdown and I knew it was coming. It was just a meltdown, no violence or anything like that at all. After raging for several minutes she finally calmed herself down. She was on her bed and I asked her why for the last month she has been just awful to me. She was quiet for a bit then she said “Well I have never lasted anywhere this long before.” Yes honey I know and wow that sucks.
I reminded her that despite her best efforts to be awful, families don’t give up on each other. I reminded her that yes we will fight and argue but nope not give up just because it is hard. I also reminded her that there is a BIG difference between loving someone and being able to care for them. I assured her that her family did in fact love her but that for whatever reason it was hard for them to care for her so they made a plan to keep her safe and allow her to be with someone like me who can both love her AND care for her.
Today I contacted the workers and reminded them that it was three months. For those that don’t know the significance of this time frame, in NY it is the time frame a child considered pre-adoptive must live with you before the paperwork to adopt can be filed. I talked to the county worker and she had almost finished the paperwork. The hold up oddly enough was N’s birth family. Her Mom has been called several times to get background information and she refuses to call back. The worker was trying to piece the needed history together and does not have a lot of it and of course without the input it can’t be filled out…sigh ya know what I talk to the birth Mom’s mother almost every week, I am going to light a fire under her to see if that helps.
I swear I don’t get the family, you surrendered your rights why hold up the process? She has NEVER been in a place this long before why are making this harder than it needs to be. I know I need to breathe but yikes I don’t procrastinate and can’t understand why you would. It’s all right though no one is looking to move her and despite her month long nastiness with me I still love the kid to pieces. Oh and so do M1 and M2. It does bug the crap out of me though to have to listen to N go on about how her family always wants to talk to her and do things with her, no honey they don’t and no I am not going to tell you that ever. We however do want to be with you and do things with you so hopefully you can come to appreciate that with time.
All right be still and stay calm. Work with her on her Baptism/First Communion preparation. Stare at the amazing dress she is going to love because it is totally princess-y. Figure out what shoes for the dress and things like this which I an in fact control. She will be Baptized on Easter Sunday. My parents will come up and join us. We will have dinner and my BFF is going to be her Godmother.
Happy Anniversary kiddo- yep despite your best efforts to make me give up I am wayyyyy more stubborn.