I am sure Moms of younger kids will agree that tantrums are contagious but guess what for teens they are too!!! Yep fun fact, one kid has a melt down another will soon follow…all right maybe it is just at my house LOL
We are driving to Tae Kwon Do on Saturday when N announces out of the blue that she no longer wants to see her brother and step dad. They ignore her, they don’t like her and she didn’t want to see them anymore. We talk for a bit about it and then we go off to class without more being said on that topic.
Sunday we come home from church and M1 asks if she and N can go to the library (10 minute walk from my house). Before they leave I say to N “books only no movies am I clear?” She says yes. About 30 minutes passes and N storms through the door and starts yelling at me that M1 is not the boss and she can get DVDs if she wants to. She is up in arms and furious that M1 reminded her of what I said at the house. N starts yelling and screaming even after I tell her we have the DVD she wants already at the house. Nope not good enough and the yelling continues. I look at her and say quietly “You know I don’t deserve to be yelled at. You knew that no movies could be gotten, you are mad that M1 reminded you what I said and we have that movie at the house so there is no need to borrow it. So what I am going to do is continue to clean the kitchen while you figure out how to get a grip.” Screaming continued for a few minutes and then she calmed down a bit.
Well the long and short of the story is that she is used to using movies to hide from her feelings and escape them. When I forced her to face the feelings, well a lot of feces hit the oscillating device. The raw emotion of how her Mom picked her brother over her and the worse fact that I said point blank, going back to your birth family will never happen whether you are here or at Varick and it was all just overwhelming. It was hard and sad, I literally just held her as she sobbed. I knew no words would fix this mess which was her life so lets just keep my pie-hole shut. Eventually she calmed herself down and decided to help me finish clean up the kitchen. It is wonderful that the kid loves to clean!!!
After a bit the girls started to play the Wii and then the second tantrum broke out. See M2 has a limited patience for losing and when she is doing well, beating N because she has never played before it is fun. Once N figured out the game and beat her, well then tables turn and tantrums are served. Soooo mid screech M2 decides she is going to run away. I should mention that she is in a tank top, bare feet and shorts. Oh I am in upstate NY the temperature today is 27 degrees, yeah OK go ahead run away. M2 looks right at me as she opens the door and says “See I am gonna run away!!” I said “OK well I will miss you.” and went back to creating my shopping list. She ran outside and about 1 minute later came in and announced “No I changed my mind I gonna stay here and make you miserable.” I think to myself “Oh good you are on the right path.”
Unfortunately her tantrums last longer so we had to last for a long period of screaming and shouting before it ended. Basically she wanted to play until she could win and well I was not going to have that happen. M1 and N played a few more games and then dinner was served. I told them the games were over and we could read or color until bed time. Of course M2 was furious and tried to re-launch her tantrum. I reminded her bed came faster to kids throwing fits and suddenly it got quiet.
N and M2 went downstairs to play until bed and then I heard yelling. Uggggg…so I go downstairs and basically M2 had put something of N’s on the bed and it had fallen, N had not seen it and assumed M2 had stolen it. Item recovered and bed time advanced 20 minutes because this Momma was done. As I tuck in N she said “I am really tired.” Yeah no kidding. I tuck in M2 and she states something similar. Gotta be honest I already had figured that out, yikes.
Ah well such is life in the fast lane. I do feel bad however for N, I mean she did not chose her life story and it is clear that it still eats at her. She is such a good kid I can’t figure out how to get that through to her. I know it is early maybe with time. As for M2 well when you have a kid on the spectrum tantrums are part of the package. Fortunately, the support group that I was part of a few years ago is back and running so I will have lots of support navigating that particular series of challenges.