I went to the city for two day this week as part of a study for the Veterans Administration. I left my flock in the care of my BFF who I thought could handle the job of picking up in the evening, one sleepover and dropping off the next day. All care was arranged, meals paid for and so it should go all right. OK want to know how bad it really went…..
N got her meds late so M1 decided she was going to take charge of her meds and tell my BFF that N could not have her meds until 10pm. Now my BFF hates the attitude and the fact someone not even passing 11th grade is trying to run the show. Oh did I mention my BFF is a nurse, yeah that is sort of important. I get a text on the way out of Grand Central…”Don’t ever ask me to watch your kids again. M1 is a b*** and I am sick of her BS.” Great now what did she do, I sigh, my phone is about to die I can’t call until I reach the car anyway.
I call and as soon as my BFF hears my voice she puts me on speaker. I hear N in the background saying “M1 told me I can’t take my meds till 10pm. I can’t take them and I can’t brush my teeth until I take them.” I say in my best authoritative voice “N this is ANYM, you will take your meds and you will do it now. You DO NOT argue with the nurse and the person in charge.” N went off to take her meds. I then get an entire earful of the crap M1 is doing and quite frankly I am not sure how much M1 did versus how much is enhanced, misunderstood, her being frustrated etc. I listen and support, its all I can do. I hang up and go to face my parents, the joy of this day ended real fast….sigh…..
Next day I come home and ask N what happened. She refuses to talk to me..sigh…yep this is payback. I ask M1 what happened and for the next 10 minutes I get cursed at and sworn at. I interrupt several times to remind her I am not yelling, I do not need to be cursed at and she needs to get her emotions in check. She continues to curse and yell at me because “she is your BFF” I remind her that if I do not blame her friends for her antics I myself cannot be blamed for my BFFs. She continues to rage and I just shut up. No way to end this pain, just ride it out.
We get to the house and M1 shoves past me. I stand in the cold air for a bit to calm myself down so I don’t accidentally rip someone’s head off. M2 comes out and tells me N is going to run away when we all go to sleep. Yep I picked all girls, so in theory I accepted drama happens. I go to talk to her and oh yeah what a mess. She is sullen and shut down. She is reverting to previous behaviors and acting like a brat. OK OK I get it your are upset, lets talk this one out. I spend a bunch of time with her reminding her that she is loved, sometimes families argue, no one is going anywhere and yes I will talk to Amanda about not yelling in the future since it is a trigger. She bounces mostly back and I sigh a bit of relief, at least one I can manage, thank you holy high roller.
I come upstairs and snuggle with M2 as she seems to be out in the cold a bit. She is proud of all the work she did shoveling and reminds me over and over how grateful she is that I am home now. We snuggle for several minutes before N comes up and joins us for snuggles. We do a group snuggle and then off they go to bed. Seems ok but we shall see.
First thing in the AM M1 wakes and rips my head off. Her sister lied to me and now she is again swearing and cursing because of it. I remind her yet again that it is not me she is pissed at and I don’t need to be screamed and cursed at and her issue is with her sister. I walk away from her because yeah I want to say a slew of un-Christian things right now. I go to the car and again she shoves past me and I ask her what’s up. She says “I heard you talking to N last night, I was listening.” OK so you were eavesdropping and now you are mad because of what you heard, well you should not eavesdrop I think as I go through what I said to N that would have pissed M1 off this time. She is sullen and says in the car to me “I will talk to you when we get to (the sitter’s) house.” Fine whatever I am so done with your drama.
N and M2 get out and M1 says “I heard you tell N that she was a blessing and you NEVER say that to me and M2.” WTF????? I said “Do I not tell you at least 3-4times a week I love you? Do I not also show you regularly that I love you?” She agreed I did but that I must like N better because I never said “blessed” about her and her sister. OK I am about to blow my top here, did I mention last week she gave my $100+ watch to a friend telling the friend she bought it? Yes thank goodness the parents returned it to me. So I stare for a moment and say very calmly “OK so every year during the week of 6/17, do I or do I not put in the church bulletins your adoption as the blessing? Do we not acknowledge every June ‘We thank you for the blessings in this life especially the adoption of M1 and M2.’ Have I not done that every year since 2009? How is that not the same exact thing?” She gets out and slams the car door, “that doesn’t count!!!” I say “Well talk to me what do you need to hear? What do you need for me to say to you then?” and she yells “I’m done talking about this!!!”
I have no clue, I am confounded and angry and just done myself. I warn the sitter she is in a rare mood and head off to work. I get a call from M1’s counseling center 20 minutes into her session time “You need to come M1 is being crazy and no one can control her.” I say quite simply, fine call the police. I get there and I see M1 ripping the sitter a new orifice. I see the counselor doing NOT A DAMN thing and the case manager hiding behind a door. The case manager looks at me and says “Oh thank god you are here.” I look and see the sitter trying to talk to M1 who is full of rage, I see N rocking in anxiety and M2 has run out of the room. I step between M1 and the sitter and say “You are done, this conversation is done. You are wrong, you have created havoc and we will discuss this at home.” She swings at me and I catch her arm. Without raising my voice I say calmly “I have no issues taking you down in front of all these people. Get a grip.” and she storms off.
Once clear everyone rushes to talk to me “OMG she could hurt someone, she could have hurt you. She is NEVER like this.” I laugh and say “Nope this is the kid I live with. Sometimes she makes contact when she swings most times she ends up face down on the ground in a restraint. She intimidated all of you and that is how she controlled you all and won. She does not scare me which is how I took back control.” I walk out peeved to all get out. Supposedly he is a trained counselor who knows how to dissipate a crisis why in the hell did you not do something…..grrrr. I am sure there are lots of reasons but I am too pissed to see his side right now. Really hiding behind a door…really? She wasn’t throwing things she was only yelling.
Any who I get her to the car and say nothing. I go to the bank and take N in with me so she can have some space to process and also learn about banking. We drive around and get what we need and I say not a word to anyone inside the car. I talk to N as she comes with me to do the errands and am silent again in the car. We go back to the babysitters house and the kids file in silently. M1 immediately apologizes to both of them as does M2. They get their things and walk out. The sitter looked at me stupefied and said “How did you do that?” I looked at her and said “I NEVER show fear. Once you show her she can intimidate you she will walk all over you and you will never get ahead. You were right to call me and thank you for putting up with it.” The sitter shook her head and said “I have never seen her like this in years I thought she was going to really attack you.” I laughed and said “Nah she would have been mortified to be restrained and taken down in front of all these people.”
I go to the van and the kids start laughing and joking and I am not sure what to do. I get it they are reacting to my being gone and being left with my BFF who has less patience than I do by far. She yelled and name called so yep triggered the crap out of them. No they are not angels and I have no doubt M1 was a piece of work. Sigh… I guess I can never get away overnight again, oh well it was fun while it lasted.