Missed Rites of Passage


This was the backdrop for our announcement. I said we were expecting, she was due to arrive on 12/23/16, her name and her age. Several of my smart mouth friends (who I love dearly) made comments about my womb size and how long I waited to give birth. HAHAHA ok ok I get it but how else do you announce it?

Yes this is her room, her decorations, her sheets and her bed. This is where she will live starting next week. Thank you holy high roller!!!! But then I got a strange message from my sister who herself had just given birth in October. She said “Ummm interesting way to let people know. I mean I get it and I am super happy for you and the girls. I know it is what you wanted but I guess I never thought about it before, I mean how do you announce and adoption of a teenager?” Well no you didn’t, why would you, you are young and want to have children. I however am much older and well the plumbing doesn’t work.

So I explained to her how each woman has rites of passage, an announcement, a baby shower, lots of attention before and after the birth, people helping out raving about how cute and precious the baby is and me, well I had none of that. I adopted my kids from foster care so they had been living with me. My kids were older, there was no real infant stage. Many people did not know and of course many many people judge kids in care and have misinformed stereotypes. Many people feel that adopting is the second choice to build a family. There was no shower, not really any special help and no one raved about my grown kids. I explained I was not angry but that as adoptive parents many times we miss these rites of passage because no one views this the same way. Yet there I was a new mom.

I could tell my sister was caught off guard and I almost felt bad. I reassured her again I was not angry or in need of anything but rather just be aware it is different for adoptive mothers in very  many ways. I know she will think about it and hopefully be more sensitive if any of her friends decide to adopt themselves.

2 thoughts on “Missed Rites of Passage

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  1. I had an adoption shower. I registered at Target and everything. We got their bedding, towels, family games, clothes, toys etc. The employee at the baby registry kiosk was impressed. He looked askance at me and said I “looked…umm…really great!” For being a few months away from giving birth to twins! Lol.

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