Feeling Bad for Myself

Well today is my birthday, please do NOT wish me a happy birthday because..well just don’t I can explain.

When I was 10 years old my fathers mother had a stroke and died 14 days later. My parents told me it was my fault she has the stroke and for several years after her death, my birthday was not celebrated on the actual day. My father could not handle it and my mother and I well….we fought A LOT. So for years my birthday was celebrated on 8/29 and then once I was 12 the celebrations stopped all together. I would get presents mind you but usually at dinner and the cake was dessert but no parties, no special treatment no nothing really. Fast forward almost 30 years, my sister called to wish me a happy birthday on the 29th. I said to her, thanks honey I appreciate you thinking of me but could you call me on my actual birthday, 9/5. The silence was palatable in the air as my sister stuttered out “Wait what you birthday is not in August?” Umm no sweety it is in September. She calls my brothers and they confirm it was sometime in September but they were not sure when exactly. She called my Mother and she said “Oh yes her birthday is 9/5 but school always started then so we moved it to earlier to make it simpler.” Ummm not that is NOT what happened but whateves.

So now we all know the actual day of my birthday but still it does not matter. What do I mean, here let me explain. My kids adoption day was 6/17/08 when I called my parents they told me to reschedule it because my brothers birthday was 6/16. Nope I am not home, he is not at home but still we have to hold that day open for him. My sister gets married on 9/6 because that will be easier for the family. My one niece was baptized on 9/5 because it would be easiest. Yesterday my other niece received her First Communion, again it would be convenient. See how different things are? Now I love my sister half to death so I was pissed I spent my birthday at her rehearsal dinner when I was not even in the wedding party but she is my sister and I love her. But my birthday is disposable and has been since I was 10 and oh yeah today I am 48.

I try so hard not to be angry, I know it is petty and small. I do love my family and of course want to be part of their significant events. I just wish that someone actually gave a damn about MY DAY, but no it is not.

So these days I plan my own birthday. I decided to go to the fair and we had a BLAST!!!!!!!!!!  The Littles came with us and we played for 8 hours straight at the fair. Yep ate nasty food watched demolition derby and of course rode rides. During the derby my sister and father called. I sent them a  message and said “Hey love ya but at the derby can’t hear or talk on the phone.” Well Mom got mad when she found out, why would I be at the derby? OMG Mom because I love the fair and I love demolition derby!!!! GRRRRRR I even told her that we were going to be there!!! Uggg just breathe.

I buy my own bag of cotton candy because I love cotton candy and we head home. Yikes I spent way to much time in the sun and as always it made me sick. My girls laughed at me and joked about how I could be so foolish knowing being in the sun so long makes me sick. I laughed, yep should know better, had so much fun don’t care would do it again.

Let the smashing begin
Little Man wanted the white car on the left to win. I wanted the green and black one behind it
Blue car actually has Clifford on it. The gray one was totally Clifford charactered out.
My and Little Man’s cars going after each other. We both lost

2 thoughts on “Feeling Bad for Myself

Add yours

  1. I am not going to say Happy Birthday but am glad you have taken back that day and had a great day.
    Families certainly are such a trial. I dont believe that blood is thicker than water.

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