I am just now back from the middle school locker night. We had a time of it for sure. Now I knew that M2 was going to struggle with combination locks. I knew this, I did not plan for a one and done. I stood for several moments with her, explained it a few times, demonstrated. The hall started to fill up and I could see the panic on her face. We took a walk outside, calmed down and then we go back in to try again.
When we go back the second time there is another young girl at her locker and her mother is behind her like I am with M2. We are giving the same directions with the exception of the numbers of course. Suddenly M2 whips around and yells at me “I can’t do this and you know it why are you so mean?” I sigh and hold my breath for a bit, don’t answer remember her feelings. Then I hear the girl next to M2 yell at her Mom “I am trying Mom why are you bothering me?” I look at the Mom and say “Hey our girls don’t want us here why don’t we go to the cafeteria and have our sundae while they do this on their own?” She says to me “Yep right with you” and we both make like we are going to move when both girls turned around and said “No wait I am sorry” Yes in the end both kids got their lockers open and stocked with their supplies.
We go to the cafeteria and of course the Special Ed Moms are at one table and everyone else is all around. We sit with the familiar faces as the kids laugh and talk I just look around. I see the Pastor’s daughter at the table closest to us and I am sad for a moment, she is chatting with her friends but M2 will never be part of that. She will not be part of the group of friends because she is not one of them even though she is. Sigh..focus on strength not on her challenges. I see R’s Mom looking at another table the same way, we catch each other’s looks and know. We know what we are feeling but cannot say, we are here together because we have each other. We don’t have what most of the other tables have but we do have each other.
I come home and immediately M2 has a melt down. She starts yelling and screaming at me. Then she starts throwing things at me. I corral her and send her to her room. I have a Skype training tonight and cannot deal. I get on the Skype call and in the background he can hear M2 screaming. I move upstairs to get away from the noise and of course it gets louder. The person I am Skyping laughs and says “What are you murdering someone?” Umm no we told her to take a shower. Finally after an eternity it get quiet and she comes up the stairs to me all wet. She crawls into bed with me. The person I am Skyping laughs and says “I see a wet head, is the shower taken?” and we laugh.
Uggg tomorrow I have to look for the bus. I have to get through the week until I send her off again. I know she can do most of it but the meltdowns….dear heavens how many more…..