I got a text this morning from the Littles Grandfather:
ANYM can you please take the munchkins for a little bit so I can clean the house and try to get their Mom off the street. I don’t want you to change any plans just if you had time could you?
In reality we go to church about 6 minutes away from his house so I let him know we have church but that after church I will swing by and get them no issues. He tells me that he is thankful and will see me later. Yes in church I say about a dozen prayers for the whole family there is no way this does not hurt all of them.
We swing by and I hear him telling Little Man to get off the video games and brush his teeth. Little Man per usual is not listening. Grandfather yells to us to come on in and I take one look at Little Man and say “Excuse me what exactly did your Grandfather say? He is in charge you need to listen and do it now.” He grumps but closes the game and goes to brush his teeth as directed. Grandfather asks if he can talk to me away from the kids so we go into another room.
ANYM their father is back, he is sober but still off the wall and out of his mind. I am afraid of him for the kids and scared of what is going through his mind.
I remind him that he is in control now and can say what and how much contact the kids have. He can argue for full custody as he has been the stability and Dad has not. I let him know that I already contacted the Law Guardian and advised him that Dad is unstable and that Grandfather was not. He thanked me and bundled up the kids to go. We grab swimsuits, towels and sneakers and off we go.
We swim until lips are purple and kids were cold. We get dressed and come home so the kids can watch a movie. Little Bit crawled into my lap and took my tunic top and pulled it over her head and rested her head on my chest. She sat for a long time and did not say anything as I rubbed her back and just sat with her. Eventually she comes out from under my tunic and watches the movie with us. When I get up to make dinner she follows me everywhere refusing to be in a room without me.
Little Bit helps make the spaghetti (Little Man’s favorite) and we go onto the deck to eat our dinner. When we are eating M2 asks me about how old she was when she came to live with me. She then asked me to tell the story about her tubes. The story is basically that she was getting ear tubes and her mother and I were in the waiting area when she came out still under anesthesia. She whimpered and her mother picked her up to comfort her. M2 slapped her and cried for me. My heart broke that day for Mom, how horrible was it that your own flesh and blood does not want you to provide comfort. Little Man got thoughtful for a moment and then he said “Well that is like me and “Little Bit”. We like you better than our real Mom.”
My heart hurts for them, this is not the way it should be. I don’t want to be this but I know it is better that they have a mother figure than not in the midst of the chaos. I bring them home and Little Bit crashes. I carry her in and Grandfather puts her to bed. He asks if he can talk with me and directs the kids to the other room. The kids comply and he turns to look at me.
Remember how I was going to get her? Well (Dad) went and got her and brought her to the hospital. (Uncle) went to see her and try to talk to her and get her to go inpatient. This is old, really really old and I am so tired of dealing with it.
Again my heart breaks and I know I cannot do much except be supportive. I remind him I am there for him as he needs it. I can’t stand how much this hurts them all and yes it reminds me of the pain of my own family.
I know pray and pray some more. The Littles need strength and consistency and that is the best I can do for them right now.