Let me be clear, three days ago I knew M1 had an electronic device in her room. She had accidentally liked a post on one of my friends pages and when confronted immediately stated that it was her friend not her that did it. OK yes your friends have your password, no they did not like it you did. She yelled,she screamed she was outright belligerent. So I waited and waited, I knew she would slip up, I knew it.
Today she was suppose to go to a movie on her own. She allegedly lost the money I gave her for a ride home on the bus and called me to tell me that she needed a ride (we have a track phone for times like this, only calls nothing else). I pick her up. After work I go and get her nose pierced, I had promised in August we would do it but then August went all to hell in a handbasket.
We come home and of course M1 holes herself up in her room. I know what she is doing but she is quicker then me with hiding things when I touch the door. Yes I cyber stalk her on Facebook, then I remembered, Instagram. Sure enough there she is plain as day. A photo of the side of her nose with the piercing. She captioned it “Finally after 3 years of begging my mother I got my nose pierced!!” I take a big breath to calm myself the heck down. I unplug my computer and go into her room.
I show her my screen of her posting and I said “See remember on Saturday when I said you had a phone and you yelled, screamed, cursed, tantrum-med that you did not? Remember how I asked you how were people liking your posts and you told me it was your friends? OK I am just a hair curious here, obviously you were hacked again as I see this in Instagram but my question is how on earth did they get this photo? It only happened three hours ago and you didn’t use my phone to post it because the photo we took was in the car and this is clearly taken in your room (darn those zebra print curtains). How did your friend get this photo of you in your room even though it happened three hours ago?”
God bless her stupidity and stubbornness. She was adamant she had no idea how it happened. She had no clue how it go there clearly her friend found it somewhere. OK seriously dudette the curtains in your room and no one but you and me here you expect me to believe this. I did NOT lose my crud though. I kept my voice quiet and confronted the lies as fact. I know it was you, I know you have a phone I want the phone now. She denies it and I notice her pillow has two cords coming out of it. I tell her to sit up please and terror grips her face. I pull up the pillow and remove the phone.
Immediately she apologizes and I tell her to stop, in the course of only one year I have had to take 4 devices from her that she obtained illegally and behind my back. She pauses for a moment as I name the times, yep she forgot it has only been one year and this is her fourth theft. Oh sorry her friend gave it to her….yeah ok whateves you still stole my kindle. She pleads she has not yet sexted anyone could I please give her a chance. I reminded her that she has had it for several days but right now, just now lied to my face and told me it was just yesterday she got it. She begs and she pleads as I fight with every fiber of my being to NOT raise my voice, not yell not scream. I must remain calm I must.
I explain in plain language (translate a few curse words included) that right now I am angry so angry and I want revenge. I want to hurt her like she continues to hurt me and how I know if I smash this phone right now I will do just that. I will have her hurt for a split second like the hurt which wears me to my core. I relay I don’t want to be the bigger person. I relay that I don’t want to put it behind me. I explain I WANT revenge. I want to make her hurt. I can see the fear in her eyes so I know she hears me. I tell her I need time and she needs to not talk to me while I attempt to over ride my STRONG desire for revenge. No I am not winning mother of the year, however I will win most honest mother of the year.
I then say to her…you know it is bad enough you lie and steal but why on earth would you go to social media to shame me. You “begged me” for three years? I “finally” gave you what you want? How does that make me look? She rolls her eyes at me and looks disgusted. I say to her evenly “OK then what if I take to social media to dispute this accusation? How about I take to social media and tell everyone how NYS LAW says you have to be 15. How about if I tell everyone why I had $5000.00 in lawyer bills to clear my name because of things you said and could not afford on your birthday to get you the gift I promised? What if I did that? She looked horrified. I asked her “Well why not because you would be embarrassed and uncomfortable with the truth? At least I would be telling the truth, you however would be exposed.” She looked at me and appeared earnest as she said “Mom that wasn’t my intention when I posted that. I did not think about how it could make you out to be mean.” I remind her we can’t clarify things once they are posted on social media it is just to late and now there was nothing we could do now that her 50 followers have commented on the photo.
I sat down on the couch defeated. I am so tired of having do this constantly. I am just about to put cameras in her room but so far I have caught her each time. Gad my Pink song for my child is going through my head right now full blast:
Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There’s no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you
At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You’re an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I’m still here, or where could I go
You’re the only love I’ve ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you
Breathe and focus. I do love her, I do. She has some good qualities and can be a sweet person, well all right not to me, but to some people. We can do this, we can get through this somehow, someway, we always do.