So Tired I Want to Cry

I reminded M1 to do her laundry today as she is getting ready to go to school. She per usual stalls and does not do her laundry. I ask why she says “I don’t have time” OK of all the un- Christian words that went through my head, I just walked upstairs to chill out. Fine it doesn’t matter, no need to get worked up.

I go into her room to get her laundry and see in the corner, my perfume, cake mix and my $50 coupon for Tae Kwon Do. OK I lost my sh**** at that point. She stole from me AGAIN and I am so freaking done I want to yell, I want to scream I want to do any number of violent things that would land me in jail immediately. I stop and breathe, violence is not the answer. Corporal punishment is not a solution. Breathe and find the humor on the fact she must have been so disappointed to find out that the envelope labeled ANYM $50 was actually a gift certificate and not money.

I put the clothes in the washer and remind myself to keep cool. She probably wanted to make a friend a cake for her birthday. She stole the money to buy her a present. She ran out of perfume. Let me be honest, it was hours and a busy day at work before I was close to calm. I remind myself to breathe, try to understand the need ANYM, there was a need. I know I know she picked her friends over you but remember it comes from a need. I pick Ms. Thang up from the sitter and say in a cheery voice “So how was your day?”

Immediately she rips into me “I don’t f*** feel like talking to you.” I smile and accidentally laugh remember ANYM she thought she was getting money and got nadda. Focus on the humor, focus on the humor. I don’t feed in and I don’t bite she is not going to get me down there. I tell her that if she wants to be calm and talk things out with me maybe I can work a solution she would like. Again she rips into me yelling and screaming “whateves”.  OK I look out the window and focus on my breathing. Just be present focus on your breathing….focus on your breathing. After a few moments she said “Well what is your solution” in her nastiest teenage voice. I smile and say “Look pumpkin lets get something perfectly straight. You took the cake mix to make something for a friend. You took what you thought was money to buy her a present. You stole my cologne because you wanted it. Now if you are going to be straight up nasty with me then fine screw you and you get nothing. Treat me nicely and maybe you can make the cake you want.” She starts to yell again and I cut her off and say “Scream again you don’t get sh**”

We dropped Little Bit off and then went to Wally world. I have a presentation tomorrow and I want something new to wear. We get into the store and I say to her “You may get your friend a present less then $15” She stares at me and says “Well what do I get her?” Umm I don’t know your friend. She follows me around the store and I lose my clenched voice I said “Look you stole $50 to buy something so you know damn well what you wanted to get. I have no time for games. I am so horribly mad and disappointed in you that I am having trouble maintaining eye contact. Go and find something and please leave me alone.” She storms off and I have to fight hard to keep my sh*** together.

She comes back with a handful of jewelry and says “What should I get her?” I remind her that I am still so angry and disappointed in her choices that I have no interest in helping her. She was going to steal it and make a decision without my input she does not need it now. I know I know petty but holy great gosh of almighty I am beyond angry. Focus on breathing, focus on breathing. I pick up frosting and a new pair of shoes as well might as well look good tomorrow.

We come home and I ask when she is going to make the cake and her response is “I don’t know” I have to walk away, my jaw hurts so bad from clenching my teeth I am getting a headache. She comes and says “Can you help me make it?” No I cannot, you stole it and were not going to ask for my help so no you figure it out. I remind her that if she wants my assistance she needs to ask LONG BEFORE stealing from me. I tell her that her whole plan was without me so go ahead make it happen.

OMG I am so freaking angry. I am writing with hopes to calm down and get it out of my system. I do not understand how she can be so self-centered, rude and un-appreciative. The cake finishes cooking and she walks to her room. I hear her say “Thanks Mom” but I am not feeling it. I am feeling hurt, betrayed and very very angry. I know I know put on my big girl pants.

Sigh…..going to take some Tylenol now my head is killing me.mood

6 thoughts on “So Tired I Want to Cry

Add yours

  1. I dont know what to say other than I feel for you. Hope things settle down soon for you. You are doing an amazing job with the girls.

  2. Hang in there sister. Hope has started stealing from me as well. It is infuriating and heartbreaking. I’m looking at getting yet another lockbox to lock up the things that are most important to me. Managing all of these behaviors just gets to be too much sometimes. But…you got this. You know you got this. Just stay the path and letting her experience the consequences of her behavior. She will either come around or not, but all you can do is be there. You got this. xoxoxo You are a good mom, don’t forget that!

  3. Good job on NOT bursting into flames! That’s a win. You allowed yourself to feel your feelings. You used coping skills. You are models g how to handle big emotions. I am proud of you! Maybe you should eat the cake, though. Lol

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