I am not sure if everyone gets an insight as to what it is like on the other side. Below is the conversation I had with my kids First Mom on Easter. Names are deleted for all our privacy but nothing else is altered. I share it with you because while some of our kids come from really hard places (M1 was abused and neglected by this woman and M2 was abandon at the hospital) sometimes the love for the kids is there even when you are not sure and the fear she has of me leaving her out is real. Italics is their Mom’s comments forgive the misspellings, she did not attend school regularly.
M1 refused to take a school photo so there is none. I took this one this morning
Why did she refuse to take a school photo for? But i understand that their is none. Thank u so much for the pic. They both had gotten so big. (I send photos throughout the year)
I don’t know she is very headstrong and refuses most things I suggest. I told her that the photos usually go to you and her birth family so maybe in the future she will reconsider. Not to worry though she is a good kid
M2 made first communion today (photo was attached)
I understand she is getting older and probley dont like her picture taken anymore. My sister l** is going through the same thing with two of her boys. Lol. I bet they r both good kids. U raised them really good. And thank u for that. It means alot to me.
Thank you S***. I cannot ever replace you but I am glad you have stayed in contact
Ur very welcome ANYM. I will admit i have always worried if M1 would remember who i am. And i know M2 wouldnt cuz she was so young. But i know in my heart that they r in a good place with u. Yes i miss them like crazy. And i never stop thinking about them. I am very thankful that u let me stay in contact with u so i know how the gurls r doing. And i am very proud of both my gurls. And congts to M2
I do talk about you and never let them forget you exist as that is not right. You are their Mom so they do know you are married and are living in (state) sometimes if I see a cute pic on your (Facebook) page I show them so they can see what you look like now.
What u mean by a cute pic on my page. One of me alone? That makes me very happy that u show them pics so they know who i am and tell them about me. It means alot to me.
Yes sometimes you do a collage or pic for V** (her wife) so I trim it down in photoshop and show them so they know what you look like
Did u tell them who i was with or no. Just curious is all and if u did what they thought about it. And thats very nice of u to show them.
Yes i said this is your Mom and this is her wife V**, they live in (state) right now and have been married for several years (I was not sure how long)
I have been with v** since 08. She is a good person. We have our ups and downs but what relantionship dont though.
What did they say when u told them that v** was my wife?
They really didn’t say anything much. M2 was not phased really. Sometimes M1 gets mad and wants to know why you are not with a man now when you use to be. I told her that sometimes people hide who they really are because they are afraid but then with time come to be themselves and end up happier.
Yea i am very happy being with her. She has saved my life at one point where i ended up in icu on life support. If she didnt call 911 when she did i would be dead right now. And she stuck by me the whole time. I have been hurt so many times by men i just cant be with a man anymore. The physcal and mental and sexual abuse was to much for me to handle. But yes u r right i was always actractive to woman when i was younger but i never did anything about it til i was way older. Im sorry that M1 gets mad. I hope one day she wont be so mad at me for not being with men anymore.
It is not glamorous or Hallmark worthy really but it is real. I showed the conversation to M1 so she sees that I really do talk to her Mom and am not cutting her out. After this exchange M1 asked me if she could ever see her First Mom and I said I would have to think about it. I am not keen on traveling halfway across the country to a woman who spent the first two years of our relationship threatening me. It is hard for me to remember to be kind when she has NEVER sent M2 a card in all 10 years she has been with me. It is on me though I need to let go. I have to weigh a trip out there. On some ways it might be good on others the stress to me might be a bit much.
Yep welcome to what is not included in the adoption parenting handbook