A strange thing has happened in the ANYM household, the Momma bear has gone down. Yep in the middle of all the CPS drama my actual body started to break down secondary to the bombing accident back in 2005. See in 2005 before the girls I was actually in Iraq as a solider and I survived a Improvised Explosive Device explosion. Over 5,000 pounds of explosive nastiness and I am one of two survivors, please don’t ask how many died 11 years later I still wake up screaming about it.
Flash forward 1o years and the pain in my neck comes back and the headaches return. At first of course I blame stress after all CPS was just ruining my life, DSS was canceling all my livelihood and M1 was sexting. Of course I assume you have stress related symptoms but eventually the pain was too much to bear and off to the doctor I go. Sure enough the diagnosis I did not want to hear the arthritis that has riddled the left side of my body (side impacted) had destroyed the vertebrae in my neck and they were crumbling the spinal cord was being impinged.
Now here I am a parent who is losing the ability to use my left arm, the parent who cannot go one day without so much pain that tears rolled down my face, a parent of two needy kids. Well then weird happened…I opened up to M1 and said “Look here is what is going on, here is what will happen and here is how it impacts you two.” In a shocking turn of events my normally self serving daughter started to help out. When she realized I was not joking and that I could not hold things in my left hand, I could not move without serious pain and that I was truly miserable most of the time…she started to help me and her sister.
OK for those who do not know this is HUGE!! Not only is it huge because she is a teenager but it is magnified because her diagnosis does not lead to a close mother and daughter bond. In the ll years she has been with me not once had she cared anything much about me except what I could do for her. But she is actually attentive, she asks how to put the TENS machine on, figures out what meds I need to take to monitor pain and volunteers to apply the lidocaine patches when needed. I am astounded and I thank her profusely assuming it will not last.
Did I mention I was wrong, like really wrong. On Monday I get a spinal injection and the side effects are almost paralyzing. The spinal headache I have makes me sick to my stomach, the dizziness makes it difficult to walk and cooking dinner is out of the question. My BFF starts dinner, M1 finishes cooking it. M1 offers to bring my blankets down stairs so I can sleep on the couch as stairs are out of the question. Lastly M1 goes upstairs to make sure her sister is all right in bed and even offers to sleep in my bed too help M2 feel safe.
I gave my kiddo a hug when she came downstairs and she actually hugged me back. I sat on the couch and M1 sat with me resting her head on my shoulder. We watched TV together for the first time ever all while she rested on my shoulder. She put the dog in his kennel, brought me my meds with a drink and then went to bed herself.
Most of the time I hate being wrong I will not lie, but this time I am floored. My kid, the one who plotted my death for many years was appropriately responding to my needs instead of her own. WOW kiddo just WOW. I hug her again and of course she protests I remind her I love her and that I appreciate what she is doing. She half smiles at me and says “What eves Mom” and goes to her room.
I cried a bit afterwards but they were happy tears. It is true after all she really does care about me.