Well I knew this point would come when M2 would start to put together that she was adopted and what that means. Initially it meant she was different then most kids with her 2 Moms but now it is much more than that. Before you think something odd though remember she came to live with me at 11 months old and NEVER actually lived with her birth Mother.
I get the email from the school that M2 is causing mischief again. It has been going all week so I need to address it. I get her in the van and say “All right I need answers. What is going on and where is the helpful girls I used to have in Mrs. F’s class?” She mumbles something I don’t hear so I ask her to repeat it. She yells and bursts into tears “I miss my real Mom. I hate you!” Yeah I know you do kiddo I am addressing your behavior of course you hate me. As I drive “You not my real Mom you my adopted Mom and nobody but me gots a adoptive Mom.”
Now I have to choke back the responses in my head which primarily circle around you never lived with your Mom she abandon you at the hospital. But I say nothing, she is my kiddo and she is hurting. I pull over to a large parking lot to face her. Tears stream down her cheeks. She wants to live with S** she wants to see S*** why did she get rid of me? I hug her tight and talk softly to her. “Sweetheart S*** loves you very much, she did not get rid of you she wanted the best for you and knew she could not do it so she asked me to do it. She let me raise you because she loves you very very much and that will not change.” M2 wiped her face on my sleeve and looked at me through red eyes. I kissed her gently on the nose and said “I love you to pieces too sweety and I get it you love S*** that is fine, of course you do she is your first Mom. But both S** and I are real Moms because we are both real.” She sniffed a bit and said “You don’t hate me because I love my other Mom?” I kiss her again and reassure her that no I love her just the same.
When we get home she asks if she can have a picture of her Mom. Well I am hooked into Facebook so I download the most recent picture S*** posted to her wife’s page. I print two copies and give one to M1 and one to M2. M2. brightens right up and says “Is this my Mom?” I assure her it is. M1 looks at the photo and says in a nasty voice “God she is ugly” I caution her not so say bad things about her Mom as her life was tough and being mean was not going to change that. She throws the picture on the floor. Yep guess she is still mad that her Mom is married to a woman. Whateves kid you don’t walk in her shoes be nice.
So we walk the line again. I choose my words carefully to remove the anger I still feel at times for their Mom choosing her lovers over her kids. She has a mental illness and I need to be tolerant and accepting.